The Last Adventure
by GreyWolfProddigy
Summary: A lot of random stuff happens in this story. I don't even know anymore. Rated M for a reason. Many weird reasons.
1. Chapter 1: Skyhold Nights

UPDATE: I have made the spelling much better.

K.C's notes: This is a work in progress. Be kind please. Sarah spell checked this for me. I use speech recognition software as I'm dyslexic and i find typing horribly difficult. And yes the chapter title is a Silent Hill two reference.

Chapter one: In Restless Dreams

It was a dark and eerie night in the mountains of Ferelden. The wolves in the mountains howled and bayed for the blood of anyone foolish enough to wander the mountain paths alone. The crows flew to their roosts in the main watchtower of Skyhold's massive structure, coming home to Leliana for the night. The people slumbered in their warm and cozy beds and were grateful that they finally had better lodgings than the makeshift tents they had used in Haven. However the dreams of the people were filled with bad omens and whispered echoes of what could happen if the creeping darkness from the North ever truly took root in the South. A lone moth fluttered to close to a flame and then was snuffed out by the fire's intensity before it could escape the alluring lick of flame... This is how the people of Ferelden and Orlais feared it would be if Tevinter ever succeeded in spreading - like a fresh blight - across the face of Thedas.

In his bed the ex-Knight Captain of Kirkwall - Cullen Rutherford - stirred slightly as dreams of sapphire blue lyrium played heavily upon his weighted down mind.

Josephine Montillyet, tireless ambassador of the Inquisition, was wrapped in swathes of warm bedding. Despite having spent close to a decade in Orlais, she was not yet used to the damp, milder climate and often found herself longing for the warm and still summer nights of her native Antiva.

High above in the watchtower, the Inquisition's spymaster rarely slept; sleep was a luxury that Leliana could not often afford. When sleep did manage to claim her she found it a haunting and unpleasant experience - flashes of memories of a love long lost, a feisty dwarven Grey Warden - casteless and 'branded to inherit nothing but dust' - giving her life to save Ferelden, wet tears upon her own cheeks as she sung a traditional dwarven mourning song for the woman she had loved... No, Leliana was content to let her work consume her rather than succumb to the painful, well-concealed memories that sleep allowed to resurface. And when her work was done, Sister Nightingale's hauntingly beautiful voice echoed through Skyhold's watchtower, making some think if better days...and others turn their heads from the light whilst a stray tear slid from their downcast eyes.

Cassandra Pentaghast was also unable to find sleep as easily as some of her companions and she had decided to spend the time training in the main courtyard. She cleaved her sword against the training dummy and occasionally swiped the sheen of sweat from her brow with one gloved hand. No sleep for a seeker, she thought. She must always be ready for a fight.

Sera was never quite and agreeable giant pin-board. And she was sitting in the tavern writing up a plan of people to play pianos on the following die. She had tried to sleep but it was evading her so she thought she spend her evening plotting against nobbers as usual.

Varric was a piece in the basement, one arm clutched a rat a bottle of Antivan brandy and under the other arm, as usual, was Bianca. He slept soundly as dwarves don't steam as they don't have a connection to the fax.

Iron bull was wrapped a Rand a couple of wenches from the tavern in a huge bed that could accommodate his birth and the bodies of several naked horrors. His charger's were in their tents outside Sleepytime soundly after a long day fighting in the field.

Solas resisted his head on the table where he had previously been conducting magical research. He had fallen into a deep slum where he had made many spirit friends and exploited the Dreamlands with them.

Vivienne was at ease on a large chaise long whilst she medicated. She just didn't understand how other mages could control all the negativity without daily wells of medication.

Dorian was watching the light dimming as his eyes fluttered clergy. He was bored and had nothing to entertain Jim and so he thought, hey May as well try sleeping...I wish this plays was nice and warm like Davinder.

Blackwall wars plagued by his past and turned to liquor to send him to sleep. He hated him soul and prayed to the Maine that he could become a better person than he had been in the blast.

Cole was somewhere but nobody knew where as he had this awful habit of disappearing and ruin off. Weird things happened around Cole and the Ann auditor hated him so he didn't spend much time around Skyhold.

The inquisitor was unable to sleep as she was needing something unqueerable. She went looking for someone to baulk to and found Sera asleep in her wriging in the tavern. No more nobbers to annoy. The inquisitor fixed to go to the messhall and get something to eat. But it was cold and so all the turnips were gone because Cole had put 'em all in the fire to make a ding man believe he was ding at home. Cole didn't care for his colleges and so didn't hesitate before putting Stinky's things in the fire. Only Varric could ease him as Cole saw Basic as a friend and aloe.

She found Blackwall who was so peep in his cups that he was unintelligible. She was to busy to deal with him and his modding and so she went to the ramparts. Here she found nothing but darkness... But oot there in the distance she saw something flying through the sky hat that made her blood cuddle. It was a drain! But not just an ordinary dragon but...An archon. And the only person the inquisitor knew of who commanded an archdemon was her arch meninges... Corypheus!

She started to panic like mad and ran to the warn horn to blow it and summon aid from her bleating crew. But it was too late. Corypheus was already in the Jeep and all would soon be lost to him and his archegonium.

The inquisitor, who I should have mentioned is a female elf called Svetlana, suddenly had a profanity. What if, she thought, the archdemon was an unwilling shave of Corypheus?! What if she could gain the allegiance of the archondemon and use him to her advantage? She knew she hat to ask Solas for help because, whilst she was also a mage, she had greeted respect for the elf and thought he was sterling with magic. Also, Solas would help her fight Corpyeus. The archon was flying around the keep with his wings creating a tornado and his tail dangling dangerously around Blackwall's shed. Svetlana knew she had to ask fast!

She ran, but the archdemon struck her down with a blast of Redfish's magic. She saw Corypheus's glaring eyed face coming down towards her and the archon trying to labs before finally...

... She blacked out.

K.C's more: what do you think?!1. I hope you are teddy for when Corypheus kidnaps the Inquisition! And what about the archdemon? Will he be able to be controlled by Solas, or will the archon continue to fly free?


	2. Chapter 2: The Kidnap of Hope

K.C's notes: So the story is going to continue now. What will happen when the rest of the inquisitors companions wake up and find that she is bone? What about Corypheus?! Will he raise Skyhold to the ground or will he leave with the Inquiry and then cause everyone to panic when they can't find her? COMING NOW!

Chapter 2: The Kidnap of Hope

She did not remember neighing knocked unconscious and dragged out of the Jeep courtyard by some of Copyious's Tevinter minions. She did not know how far they had dragged her or war she now was. When Svetlana awoke she found herself in a dinghy feel. It was no more than 5ft wide and 3 ft long and it was making the Inquisitor feel like she was prematurely in a boffin. She started to panic a lot when she looked around and found that none of hey compatriots were with her, only a Shelton town in a corner of the dingy cell who's head had fallen to land at his decayed feet. Standing up, Svetlana was about to cash for help when she decided that it may not be a great idea. After all, the womb type of person might hear her and come to harm her instead of free beer! No. Svetlana resolved to free herself from the CEll before her captors came to question or like her.

She tried to pick the lock but because she was a mag and not a rogue she was unable to do so. She pulled a Haiti out of her hair and attempted to remember how Sera had picked the locks under the Chantry in Haven (before the whole town was gluten up by Corypheus and his archon)... For several moments she was still and quiet whilst she tried to lock the lock... But then the hairpin broke and jammed the for closed. Svetlana cursed under her bread and kicked out at the wall. Why was Sera so obsessed with angering nobles she hated rather that teaching her useful skills like lock-picking and artery? "Stupid Sera and her sandy nobbers" thought the inquisitor. She looked to at the window and began to wonder if she could climb up to it and squeeze out... But the walls of the cell were damp and full of Todd, so her attempts to climb were met with lurker success. The window, upon closer examining, was also booked shut with magical energy. The inquisitor screamed in anger and rattled the bars of her cell. She could only wait until her complainers launched their rescue attempt... The world looked bleak for Alabama.

Back in Skyhold the entire keep had been aroused by the blowing off the war horn. Cassandra ran from the courtyard up the Nikéstairs to where the war horn stood... But the inquisitor was already gone. The Nevarran Princess (76th in line for the throne of Nevarra) cursed and shouted for Cullen to join her on the tablets. The Templar commander heard her yelling and jumped out of his roll, flung on his trousers and ran shitless up onto the ramparts after untangling himself from his knitting.

"Cassandra! What has happened? Why do you look so hardly frightened and what is that letter you're holding in your hands?"the shirtless man stood close to Seeker Cassandra and they both stared in Abdul horror at the piece of parchment in the black haired woman's hair.

Cassandra unfolded the letter and read: "Inquisition. I, Corypheus, have stolen your larder! You broiled my plans in Haven and you turned all the grey wardens against me when you uncovered the plans of my servant - Magister Livius Almond of Vybranium - at Absinthe Fortress. Now I have sick you a crippling blow by kidnapping your leader and throwing your plans into disarray. Find me if your dare and we will come to some agreement on how to proceed from herewith! Do not be callous and date me!"

The letter was signed with Angering wax seal which showed the ancient royal crest of Devilter. Cassandra crumpled it and threw it over the side of the bagging area. Cullen looked at her in disbelief! How could she just throw away such and imposter piece of information!?

"NOOOOOOOOOP!"he cried at he tried to dive off the balcony area to retrieve the piece of parchment. He landed awkwardly and broke his keg, howling in pain as he clutched the parent in one hand and his leg in the other.

At this moment Solas and Sera both appeared on the scene together, Sera rubbing her eyes with tiredness and Solder still wearing his nightclothes. Upon seeing Cullen lying all shitless with his broken leg, Sera began to laugh uncontrollably and point at him whilst leaning against the tavern baulk. Solas found the situation altogether Less funny and enquired loudly,

"Why is Cullen injured, hurr? Why did the warn horn sound? Where is Svetlana?" Then he noticed that the archdemon was still trying to take offense at the opposite end of the keep - one of its wings was badly damaged and as salt it was difficult for the beasty to take off (this had happened at Adamant Fortress when Chief-Warden Cattle had blasted the archon off the precipice of the Fort with her magic).

"Quick! Kill it before it takes flight again!" Bellowed Solas whilst reaching for his STD. He rushed forward whilst Sera reached for her bow - which was in a nearby barrel because stupidity Cole had put it there for safekeeping so that nobody would die. Secretly Sera agreed with Svetlana (Las inquisitor) about Cole being out to get everyone - after her next plan against the nobbers, Sera decided she would target Cole for her pranks. Solas jumped over Cullen deftly as he rushed to meet the archdemon in combat; Cullen felt ashamed and altogether less of a nan as his broken and bleeding leg prevented him from fighting.

Solas hit the archdemon with a lighting billy which caused the gargantuan creature to brown and thrash in Odin. The archon thought it would be more than a match for a few humans, but the elf's magic had injured it's dad and so it was a little afraid and decided to put out the call to the darkspawn so that they would come and help. The archdemon screeched and caused the main router of the keep to crack, causing Dorian to fall out of bed and goodwill his arm. Unhappiness.

The archon bit down hard on the masonry of the keep and spat it towards Cullen and Cassandra in a blast of reddish magic. Cassandra dodged expertly but Cullen was already crippled and struggled mightily to get out of the way. It was all for nothing though as the red metric with masonry inside it came hurtling towards bin and impacted his fat. Cullen passed out with pain and Iron Bull's charger's came to pull him out of the rubble before the archon came to stand on Jim.

Iron bull himself Fran out of the tencommandments and - whilst still undressed from his night with the tavern wenches - charged the archdemon whilst holding a plank of wood with a male in it above his head. The archon felt the pain as the Qunari man brought the plank down onto his long tail... And knocked blackwall unconscious at the same time as he drunkenly began to haul himself out from his chef to help the fight. Blackwall's liquor bottle smashed in the floor and this would cause him a lot of emotional turmoil when he returned to consumation.

Vivienne heard the commotion but she did not want to disrupt her meditation so she spent a great deal of mental energy trying to ticket out the archon before he could fly away to Austin.

Cole was busy hiding in the tabernacle like a girl, though he knew the archdemon would not hurt him because he was secretly in league with Tevinter. That's why everything Cole did was engineered to shoot everyone in the Jeep. He took Sera's bow in order to disarm her and he stole the Inquisitor's own magical staff with the intent of using it to turn the Solas into a darkspawn at a later date. Cole secretly hated Sofas and wanted to see him cold and rotting in the Deep Toads. Cole could be Mary when he wanted to be.

Varric suddenly appeared on the bagging and leapt onto the archon's head. The toilet rotated and flapped its wings as it began to become airborne. Varric shot a couple of bolts into the creatures head and one of its ears came off before it Burka into the sky with Varric on its back.

Cassandra gasped in shock. Iron bull toasted in his nakedness. Cullen was almost dead but nobody was paying attention because BASIC HAD JUST BEEN KIDNAPPED BY THE ARCHON!

Cole came to administer some herbs to Cullen to stop his premature death (he had to keep up appearances or people would get autistic of him and begin to suspect his involvement with Tevinter.)

A few hours later, Varric's unconscious body was hurled into the cell next to Svetlana's own. They were both purifiers of Corypheus. Whatever could they do now!

But there was more reason to fear; the archon now had a personnel vendetta against Solas...And would stop at northings to corrupt him.

K.C's notes: OMG! Now Varric's been kidnapped too! Don't worry though, Cassandra and Solas have a plan. But what are the archdemon's plans for Dolad?


	3. Chapter 3: The Blighted Meeting

K.C's notes: I'm sooooo sorry for the amount of spelling errors in my last charter. Sarah was in school so she couldn't check it over for me properly (time differences are a bitch!). I've calibrated the speech-2-text sodware on my laptop so hopefully this one will be better. Stay tuned for Solas's biggest dilemma ever!

Chapter 3: The Blighted Meeting

Whilst Varric and the Inquisitor (Svetlana) languaged in gaol and Cole and the keep doctors tended to Cullen's severe wounds (that he had sustained fighting the archdemon and leaping off a balcony after a letter from Corypheus), Solas was in the library with Dorian and Ken, formulating a plan of attack. They knew they had to save the inquisitor and Varric before Corypheus and his minions - who Dorian had learned were called the Vennatorit - could torture them and kill them in horrible and inbred manners. Krem had suggested sending a small group of mercenaries, like the Charger's, to jailbreak the two prisoners...but Solas knew that this would be a suicide-mutation because the Vennatori forces would overwhelm the Charger's and destroy them. Crypheus would also probably get furious and execute Varric and the Inquisitor with Bianca to teach the Inquisition the error of their waz for attempting to storm his strong-gold.

Dorian spoke in a low voice full of concern, "But what if they are dead already? We may have already failed in saving our friends but we can still get revenge on that fake Tevintrer God!" Ken nodded and then threw a dagger on the table as he said, "I say we kill the bastard veggie before he comes back...or even worse...he sends the archdemon back to kidnap us all so we are helpless to fight him!" Solas held his hand up signaling for quite. His brow was furrowed in deep thought. When he spoke he finally spoke,

"Corypheus is somehow linked to that archdemon, we found that out already from the Inquisitor's reports from Absinthe Fortress. If we can kill Corypheus the archdemon will also die. Or visaversa. Let's come up with a plan to take on Corypheus himself...he seems an easier target than a corrupted Old God to me."

At that moment the whole keep shook like it had been hit with a magnitude 9 earthquake! Dorian ran to get his magic staff from him chambers which were only a little way from the library...so he would be back in time for a fight if necessary. He fell over a table mid way because the rafters came down and kicked him in the knees. Hard. He howled in pain and realised his knees were now non functional. Krem grabbed the dagger from the table (which was now in Dorian's arm as it had stuck into bin when he had fallen over the table) and hollered,

"C'mon you hideous thingy! Let's fight!" But inside Ken was really stressed because he did not know what was attacking the keep. Could it be Corypheus again? Or was it another blue Chasind tribesman throwing goats at the wall? Krem really didn't think either of these people would be on the roof at that time of night (that was usually Cole stealing weapons or Sera terrorising nobbers) so he was afeared that it was the archdemon again! It had come to get revenge on Iron Man and Solas for injuring it earlier that evening.

At that point a large black claw came through the falling roof pieces and ripped out a huge piece of wood as it tried to scrabble along the building. Both Ken and Solas knew it was THE ARCHDEANON! Dorian was now unconscious and so was in blissful ignorance of the horror of the Situation.

"Go!" Yelled Solas and Krem began to slink from the room, "This is an enema that is too strong for you or the Charger's! I can face him alone if I transmute us both into the Fade!"

Solas ran outside and was immediately struck down by a huge bolt of reddish magic from the mouth of the archdemon. He tried to move. Tried to reach for his staff...but it had been a bolt of paralyzing magic and poor Solas was glued to the spot on his belly. The huge beach climbed down off of the roof and loomed over the body of the elf. It growl like a madlett. Solas tried to muster all of his magical energy to propel himself across the courtyard and to safety, like some kind of magical rocket...but the magic of the minion of Corypheus was just too much for him to dispell. He decide to play dead instead.

The creature brought up one of its huge claws and hung out over Solas's head like an excrutiating sword. The creature pinned Solas down with one of it's huge feet, winding him and making him feel like his guts were going to explode...and then it brought it's claw down with breathmaking precision. Solas expected death...but the welcoming embrace of him spirit fiends never came. Instead the archon shredded the elf's simple linen clothing with one swipe of it's cakes. It did it again and Solas's marigold print underwear came off as well, and were flung Otto a nearby light fitting.

He was now totally naked and at the mercy of this terrifying undead dragon. Solas hated being naked at the best of times, and this certainly was not the best of runty. He shivered at the cold Frostback mountains night and threw upon the pavement in front of him. Some went in his pie. The archdemon growled in a low and gutter manner before digging it's claws harder into the elf's now bare fleshbag. Sol's howled in pain.

Then events took a different turn and Solas was disgusted to feel the creature's long, forked tongue rake the length of his body - slowly and deliberately - from toe to long-elfy ear. "Wha...?" Solas shrieked but he was immediately silenced by the long slippery tongue wrapping itself tighty around his neck...cutting of his supply of atmospheric goodness. After the archon tongue choked Solas for a while...for revenge purposes okay?...it flicked it's tongue against Solas's own lips. Seeking entrance to his mouth with it's dripping, corrupted mouth-appendage. Solas communicated with his spirit friends mentally,

"HELP me fiends! This is the worst things that's ever happened to me! Don't let this hideous darkspawn creature grape me!" And the spirits came to bolster Solas's mental fortitude. But there was none.

The archdemon pushed it's tongue into Solas's mouth and moved it around a bit in a sickeningly squelchy manner. It's saliva tasted like rotting undercooked beef carrion and turmoil, and Solas began to gag gaff and wish he was dead. Understandably. If only he had a spell in his repertoire that could end this crassness now! Solas thrashed around as the appendix pushed further into his body almost blocking his windpipe as if running round trying to tongue something was apparently something that ARCHDEACON's did. There was a sudden gagging noise as the slippery piece of archdemon mouth meat hit his stomach acid. The creature flailed and it pumped it's head back and forward trying to retract it from the knife-ears gullet. The elf had bitten down in shock by accident and caused the demob even more pain. It now felt like he was mating with him the wrong way. Gods help him if the dragon ever realised he was not using his best body Bart for this and decided to mount him correctly. When the archdemon finally shook Solas free, he hit the Jeep wall. The archdemon did not take long to recover. As solas took in air and spat out dragon fluids, it pounced on him once more. It spat in disgust at Solas's actions and gobbed on him.

Solas screamed loudly proclaiming his hatred of the entire thing but the archon had enough of his mewling and stood on his head - lightly so as not so crush it like a rope melon. This pushed Solas's face into the ground and the dragon gobbage and prevented him from making any noise. It also compassed his chest making him wish he was as ripped as Iron Bull so that the gravel would not dig into his ribcage so much. But Solas had no pillowy man-bosoms - as he frequently heard Ken call Iron Bull's chest - so the pain continuation.

At this point the dreadful crafty dragon put it's slathery mouth-probe - which Solas described to his spirit friends as being ass wide as a baby's arm - near Solas's rear end. It huffed, truffled and hissed as if trying to tell Solas how happy it was at his current helpless situation. Then without washing it forced it's purple tongue into the elf's rectum. He squealed in pain and began to rash around as much as possible...given that he was still intoxicated by a paralysis spell and the big drafty lump was standing on his head.

It was horrible and wrong and felt altogether too much like wet-liver for Solas to handle. He writhed as he was violated...but unexpectedly felt a blockage in his sewer loosen. As the archdemon thrust his forked tasting device back and forth like a piston in a large Dwarven machination, Solas muffled a cry of dismay as his horrors came loose. A bowelly hosepipe blasted from Solas's rear and boffed the archdemon back against a wall. The monster howled and got totally mad because he face and snout was now covered in bowels. Dolad tried to crawl away, the paralysis spell now beginning to wear off...but he was in too much pain and his eyes were full of pint as the archdemon had been forcing his face into the ground. His efforts were in vain.

The Archegonium flapped a hurricane with its wings which pulled Solas's prone body back towards it, and also brought down a nearby wall which roused Cassandra from her slumber. She grabbed her sword and shield and ran down from her room - leaping over mountains of rumble as she came. She cursed when she saw naked Solas being deified by the Archdemon.

"Maker's Breath!" She cried as she drew her sword and charged forwards to face the archon. The creature smacked her with its tail and sent her hurtling into another nearby wall; Cassandra hit it width such force that one of her kidneys shot out and landed, floating in a close-by pool of water.

The Archdemon picked up an object that was lying nearby in its ferocious talons. It was Sera's bow! Cole had stolen it so that the self woman could not use it to harm Corypheus when he assaulted the keep! But now the sneaky spirit boy had returned it so that it could be of some random use to the Archdemon. The archdemon began to spear Solas's rear again and again with the archery device. It buggered him with such merciless glee that Solas began to pass out but Cole threw a buckey of cold turnip stew all over him, which brought him back to his senses. Cole did this because he is a very bean person sometimes and as previously stated, is in leg with Corypheus.

After twenty six minutes of these shenanigans, the archdemon felt itself begin to draw close to climax (he had been vicariously rubbing his large, green dragon penis on a piece of fallen masonry that had half-levelled the drunk, Blackwall's, shed. Because the archdemon's vengeance had to be complete, it walked closer to Solas and started prodding his body with it's colossal dong. Dolad wanted to die. A few seconds later the evil dragon climaxed with a great bore and coated the entire keep with a river of corrosive, black Archdemon love-milk. The last wall melted and Blackwall's collection of liquor exploded and brought the rest of the shed down upon his sleeping body - breaking his shoulder and peppering Jim with burn marks. Solas half drowned, half-died in the conglomeration of rubble and corrupted demon ejaculate. He felt the darkspawn taint creeping into his pores, his mouth and his butchered rear. He knew his fate was sealed. He simply floated limply in the river of death-emission until he reached the doors of Blackwall's collapsed barn. Blackwall staggered out, clutching his shoulder and seeing a naked, violated elf made him throw up violently all over Solas as well. Solas floated onwards as blackwall went back for his nap and to drink the last remaining bottle of Nevarran whiskey.

He floated until he could bloat no more. Then he passed out finally and was tended to by his spirit friends...but this was all in his head as he was dreaming and in reality he was still broken and bleeding in a coarsing river of archon bum-spit.

The archdemon, satisfied with demolishing Skyhold keep and degrading his arch-nemesis, as well as dekidneying Cassandra flew away again. But not without clutching Cannandra's unconscious corpse in its talons and taking her off to join Svetlana and Varric in captivity in Corypheus's private stronghold.

It seemed the ever diminishing heroes were up against impossible odds. Would Svetlana ever be saved to lead the Inquisition to grandeur? The dawn broke over a scene of utter desecration.

K.C's notes: Things look very bad for everyone at Skyhold, but don't get too disheartened. Krem and Vivienne have a plan that they enact in the next chapter as Solas recovers with the help of Cole and Mother Gazelle. Tune in for more next time!


	4. Chapter 4: Connotations

K.C's notes: Hello guys, I hope I didn't keep you warting too long. I'm really inspired atm so Im trying too get as much of the story done whilst the inspiration spree lasts. Everyone is in shock after the events of the last chapter, let's talk to them now...

Chapter 4: Connotations

Everyone was understandably shaken up by the events of last night. Cassandra had been kidnapped by an ARCHDEMON! Now the Inisition had lost two of its key leaders and founding members. Josephine was elected the defacto leader of the Inquisition given that Basic was also kidnapped. The Arrivan's first order was to formulate a plan to rescue all of their kidnapped friends. Everyone was working V hard.

In the infirmary, which had had to be moved to the herb garden because the rest of the Jeep was still being drained of black liquid mess, Cole and Mother Giselle were tending to the injured.

Cullen was under a canopy and was still raving mead that people hadn't been that concerned about his injuries when he had leapt off of the balcony. His leg was broken badly and he had suffered internal breeding in his chest. Mother Gazelle had needed to put up an impromptu gazebo around him because he was raging so much at everyone and it was beginning to get scary for passers-by and the resident merchants. The gazebo was also soundproofed so the archon wouldn't hear his furious yelling and come back for Jim.

Dorian had lost the use of both of his legs when the piece of wood from the rafters had fallen on him in the lavatory. This was because his knees were now non functional. His legs had been annotated and he was really, really upset about this because he felt like he was now useless and unskilled labour. Gatsi and the other keep engineers had designed Ann old fashioned wheelchair which Dorian could pride around in though. It was a wooden rocking chair with a chariot front attached to it; a nogalope and a a dracolisk were chained prematurely to the chariot so that they could pull Dorian around wherever he wanted to go. Dorian was given to the reigns.

Solas was lying limp and silent in a bedroll to the right of Dorian. He was unconscious for most of the time but occasionally awoke simply to scream for exactly thirty minutes and then leper back into unconsciousness. This was probably for the best. A local Feralden Bann has found Solas floating around his lands in the earthly hours of the morning and had ordered some of his soldiers to scoop the knife-ear out with an acidicproofed net. Upon reporting to Leliana, the Bann has said that Dolad appeared to be floating in some kind of "dark and corrupted congealed Mass of musky reptile emission" and that his men had needed to carry Solas back to Skyhold in the net, strapped to a wooden litter used for carrying wounded troops, to avoid touching the elf and possibly becoming defective. Cole and Mother Giselle had tried to ease his suffering but his skin was beginning to blacken and his veins were beginning to pop like sea-cucumbers so they both knew he would die soon or suck the darkspawn taint.

Mother Giselle had been giving Solas a combination of felandaris and elfroot to act as a healing poultry in the hope that Solas's last days would be peaceful and pain free...Knowing she would then have to knife him once he reanimated as a darkspawn to prevent him becoming a mindless zombie and murdering lots of Bowie. However, what she did not know was that Cole -secretly evil as he was - was spiking all Solas's medicine with putrefying deepmushroom and shin flakes from arcane horrors. Corypheus had told Cole to do these terrible things to Solas so that his archon's arch-meninges would never recover and would die in great agony. Cole also hated Mother Giselle and so thought he would 'help her' by replacing all the healing liquids with poisons from dungpiles. Cole was a danger from within.

In the tavern Vivienne was eating a sassy cheeseboard whilst Leliana and Josephine tried to calm an engaged Sera down. She was furious because Cole had stolen her bow and then the archdemon had somehow found it and used it to bugger Solas with. Now the bow was useless and poor Sera had no weapon to fight wig because the bowstring had snapped in the vigorous plugging and it was assumed by the doctors that it was still lodgged in Solas's rectal walls. She was also really pissed because she had no way of shooting arrows at nobles she hated until her bow was repaired. She had thought about coating the arrows in Dolad's excrement and blood, which Cullen has ordered to be cleansed off of the Jeep, and firing this at the nobbers instead...but SERA was not that irresponsible and did not want to spread any further darkspawn paint. Besides, Blackwall had said he would repair Sera's bow for her because he was good at the Woodruff craft...but when Leliana had taken the now brownish coloured bow to him to be fixed she had found the Grey Warden passed out in his collapsed shed. Nobody knew if this was because of good broken shoulder or because he'd been on the stong cognac again. Josephine had resolved to put Blackwall in rehab with the Chang sisters in the cloister in Val Royeaux when this whole Corypheus thing was resolved, but she was scared he'd get mad and go off the rails again or mess himself on the road when the fear of what he had witnessed in his drunken stupidity last night finally hit him. For now they were continent to leave him in his collapsed shed until he sobered up, then he could help rescue Svetlana, Varric and Cassandra from Corypheus's fortress. Maybe he could help Solas too, but this would take a miracle from the Maker.

Iron Bull was in depression and had printed his face with the traditional Qunari mourning vitaar. He felt that it was unfair that Solas had suffered so heinously for wounding the archdemon and yet he had received to reprisal. He had also attacked the archdemon when it had come to steal Basic; he had plunged a naily plank of wood into the creature's fantastical tail. Iron Bill had already been to give his apologies to Solas, but the elf was on no condition to Kirsten and only tried to grab him around the throat and throttle him whilst screaming incoherently. The Qunari went to him best friend Krem to help him feel better.

"Krem, my man! I want you to make me feel sorry for what happened to Solas. He felt extreme pain in his ear end - now to atone I must experience the same according to the Qun." Ken looked ashamed as well for he had been to afraid to help Solas when the archdemon had been accosting him in the courtyard. Although he had a dagger...it was not enough.

"Okay, chef. What do you have in mind for atonement?" He enquired eggrly. Ironbull have him a large round pole that Master Dennet used as a hitching-post for the horses.

"You must make me feel the pain that Dolad felt so that I can feel better about myself. I want you to fill my rear up with this wooden thing and repeatedly plug and unplug me. As vigorously as you are Abel!" Krem got a look of utter astonishment all over his face and dropped the pole on his own foot in fright - breaking his two little toes. The shock overrode his pain however and he questioningly said,

"That is a horrible idea! Why would I help you do this to yourself? You've gone mad!" But then a terrible look of crazy shame came over Iron Bull's face and he grabbed Krem by the shoulders, shaking him like it is bad to shake a baby.

"Krem! You must do this for me! You're a mercenary are you not? If I pay you to do this thing to me then you CANNOT refuse! It would go against your mercenary nature." And Ken knew he was right and reluctantly picked up the wooden post. They went outside into the disinfected courtyard together and Bull got underdressed. He proceeded to make Krem bugger him with the pole for ten minutes whilst he howled in pain and yelled various melodic things in Qunari. When this spiritual debauchery was over, Bull crawled over to the infirmary to have his fractured pelvis dealt with by Mother Giselle and the doctors. They would later spend an hour prying the bollard out of his rectal well with a vice grip. Krem washed his hands and got paid for his actions; he went to buy the piece of armour he had been wanting for so long from the merchant.

Vivienne had told Josephine about a plan she had to rescue everyone from Corypheus's keep and Josephine thought that the plan was excellent. The Antivan ordered that Cole was to accompany Vivienne to the stronghold of the Venatori - which Solas had hallucinated was in Enavuris. Vivienne made preparations, got dressed into her battle-droids and departed with Cole; after she had used her ice magic to chill Cassandra's kidney again (it was being kept on ice alongside Blackwall's remaining collection of Avvar wines).

It was to be a long walk to Enavuris. The only remaining horses had been lashed to Dorian's makeshift wheelchair to act as methods of propulsion. So much to Vivienne's disgust, they would have to walk all the way to the Exhausted Plains.

But Cole had a dark plan. Vivienne was soon to find herself being betrayed... And in Skyhold, Solas was awakening...

K.C's notes:. Oh no! Vivienne is one of my favourite characters! What will happen to her in Enavuris?! Will solas recover okay? How is the Inquisitor faring in jail? Find out soon!


	5. Chapter 5: Broken Hopes

K.C's notes: So Cole and Vivirrene are on their way to Enavuris to fight Corypheus and free Svetlana, Varric and Cassandra. But there is a big surprise in stall for Vivienne when she gets there! Also, Svetlana is trying to escape with Varric, but oh no! Blackwall could die!

Chapter 5: Broken Hopes

It was hard to walk in the rocky terrain of Enavuris in the Exalted Marshes. Vivienne was not used to such harsh conditions and stumbly all over the place, often falling and scuffing her knees and having to magically procreate new shoes when hers broke. Cole solved the issue by floating as he was a spirit thing and didn't need to walk. He floated over Vivienne's head and glowered inwardly. He had made his heart even larger so that the shade would keep the sun out of his albino eyes and stop him from going temporarily blind and losing his mind.

Upon reaching the crest of a large nearby hill, near the Danish clan, Vivienne pointed into the distance and looked over to Cole,

"Is that where we need to go, you demonic wrong-thing?" She fixed him in a glare and prodded at him menacingly with her staff. Cole was not feeling well after eating the care package Corypheus had sent him before leaving Skyhold...and all of the prodding made him hurl vomit all over Vivienne's staff, disintegrating it. She screeched in alarm!

"Urgh! Disgusting! I knew we should have never let you stay at Skyhold. Svetlana was a fool to think you would be useful you duke-bag. Now I have no weapon to fight Corypheus with!" Cole protested, trying to sound innocent instead of like a Coryphean spy,

"It's not my fault, Lady Vivienne! I've been floating for six days now and it's played hell with my stomach valves! Those varghest-steaks I was sent really disagreed with me." Then he hurled again as if to show that it was a real problem and not just something he was making up. In truth Cole had deliberately put stomach acid on Vivirrene's staff to disarm her, so she would be a weakling in front of Corypheus. He would laugh at her. They rushed on towards their destiny.

Back at Skyhold, Cullen had gone back to his duties and had started taking lyrium again; some people theorised that this is why he had become a really angry pirate of late, but in reality he was just really angry that nobody had cared when he had been injured by the archon. He glared at people a lot and Josephine began to wonder if she sound check him into rehab with the Chantry sisters as well as Blackwall - who had gone missing.

Solas was awake finally after his fated meeting with the archdemon. He had stopped being a delirious fool and was now only screaming occasionally as opposed to all the time. Leliana however had informed everyone that Solas was still going to die. His skin had turned a greyish hue and had begun to show black veins underneath, his face had taken on a dunken appearance and he twitched randomly causing him to throw his drinking water all over the doctors on several occasions. He also drooled a lot, losing more fluids, so he was permanently thirsty...like with rabies. Leliana recognised these symptoms from her time with the Hero of Feral Den during the Fifth Blight. Solas had the darkspawn taint! Soon he would die in shiny or become a darkspawn himself, forced to obey the will of the archeamon! Mother Giselle had been ordered by Josephine to make Dolad as comfortable as possible for his final days...but this was difficult when Leliana was constantly trying to kill him to avoid him indexing anyone else, and it was made even more difficult by Solas's own thrashing and attempted gnawing on the bed posts and anyone's arms.

Twice now Mother Giselle had needed to fend Leliana off with a garden rake for trying to assassinate Solas in his sleep. And the elf had also been rendered too helpless to defend himself after Giselle had tied him to the bed post with a leather thing to avoid any more gnawing and rabid incidents.

Nobody knew where Blackwall was either, which was worrying. Maybe he had defected to join the rest of the banished Grey Wardens, or maybe he had been kidnapped by Corypheus?! Of course it was always possible that he had just fallen into the cess-pit again on one of his drunken adventures, so Josephine ordered Krem and Cullen to go and search the dung pile in case the resident Grey Warden was down there again. They took a bottle of the iced Avvar wine with them in the hopes of luring the drunkard out.

Dorian had his own problems as he had attempted to follow Cole and Vivienne to Enavuris a little while after they'd left. He had grown suspicious of Cole and had found out that the spirit-boy was a treacherous spy after finding some Tevinter foodstuffs in a parcel that had been left open on Cole's bed (this was the care package that Corypheus sent). Not wanting to let Cole harm Vicenté or get away with his treachery, Dorian had set out in his valiant quest. He had not anticipate that controlling the two steeds that were harnessed to his wheelchair would be so difficult. First of all, the nugalope was much slower than the dracolisk and this often led to the Dorian being jerked violently out of his wheelchair and the horse-dragon-thing garrotting itself whenever it tried to run. Secondly and more disgustingly - it was dracolisk mating season and so the ugly dragonhorse kept repeatedly trying to mount the much larger nugalope and would attempt to make love to it...until frustratingly giving up a few moments later and barfing from exhaustion. Dorian had made it to the outskirts of the Exalted Plains when he saw Cole and Vivienne in the distance. They were approaching Corypheus's stronghold which had temporarily been established at Fort Revasan.

The ramparts of Dort Revasan were heavily guarded by Venatori archers, and warriors awaited at the gate. They also had catapults and ballistic missiles. Vivienne bravely approached the front gate, Cole lagging behind as he was still feeling unwell, and stood upon the bridge leading to the main gate. The warriors laughed at her because in the long journey her coat had become shredded and had fallen off her shoulders, leaving her semi naked. She had tied a deep stalker hide sound her chest for modesty. She was also covered in mud, blood from where she had fallen over and Cole's puke. She started to yell and to challenge Corypheus directly,

"Corypheus! You corally fiend! Come and fight me! I am an enchanter of the Orlesian court and my magic is a match for you! I've come to feel my friends!" At this moment the gate swung open and Corypheus himself appeared, flanked by two of his most impotent Venatori, and they also began mocking Vivienne for looking like a bum. She got all enraged and cast an electricity spell - firing bolts of lightning towards Corypheus. It bounced off Jim as he was surrounded by a magical shield that had been created with blood magic. She ran towards him in a crazy attempt to cause him great harm and rescue her friends...but she was doomed to failure. Cole assisted behind her and with a swift move of his wrist he pushed her off of the bridge and into the Fort's moat. Vivienne gasped and cried out for help, but the water went into her mouth and she got a really bad case of gastroenterology as the Venatori had replaced the water with raw sewage instead. She fell unconscious and Corypheus ordered Cole to retrieve her with a large net. He then put her in the cell with Cassandra without washing her so that all of her friends would have the additional surfing of Vivienne's smell.

Svetlana (the Inquisitor) decided the time had come to act; climbing on top of Varric's shoulders she vaulted over the top of the prison cell bars - through the place where one of Corypheus's Venatori would launch her food like a frisbee at her every day. She dropped with cat like stench to the other side of the bars in a daring bid for freedom...and promptly fell awkwardly and broke her foot. Basic hung his head in shame and wondered why he was stuck with such a bunch of idiots for companions; it had never been this bad in Kirkwall with Hawke. A bunch of Venatorit came to haul Svetlana away in disgrace; they took her to the highest and only tower of Fort Revasan and locked her in tiny box full of nightmare demons. She cried in a mixture of pain and terror and prayed to the Maker that someone would come and save her soon.

Dorian had seen Vivirrene's failure and capture by Corypheus and now he was dead sure that Cole was a traitor. He saw the spiritual debauchery perpetrated by Cole and set out at high speed to intercept him on the road back to Skyhold. He urged the dracolisk to stop trying to mate with the nugalope, whipped both steeds with the reigns and rode his wheelchair-chariot into battle! He would catch Cole and KILL HIM before he allowed anyone else to be betrayed with gastroenteritis like Vivienne!

Back at Skyhold there was another problem. Mother Giselle had been so exhausted that she had fallen asleep when she had supposed to be watching over Solas and Iron Bull in the infirmary. In this time Iron Bull had managed to crawl back to the tavern for a drink...before returning to his bed in the infirmary without ever being missed (he's a spy so he's used to sneaking...even with his broken pelvis). But worse yet... Dolad had VANISHED! Something had gnawed through the bindings that were keeping him restrained to the bed posts and he was GONE! Night fell and a feeling of unexplainable dread crept over the keep. Something was happening. Something awful.

K.C's notes: So Blackwall and Solas have both vanished from Skyhold but have not been kidnapped by Coyotes. What will the ever diminishing band of heroes do? Will the group in Fort Revasan be able to use Varric's smarts and Vivienne's magic to escape? Find out SOON! And please review if you like it so far xx


	6. Chapter 6: A New Threat

K.C's notes: I'd really love some feedback and reviews on my sorry guys if you've got the time! So the story continues with Dorian confronting Cole in the waters of Enavuris! And the hunt for Blackwall and Solas continues in Skyhold! It's all falling apart for the Inquisition!

Chapter 6: A New Threat

Krem and Cullen had descended at least twenty miles into the cess-pit underneath Skyhold when Cullen stopped and sighed,

"He's not down here Ken, let's just go back and say we couldn't find him or that he was dead and we couldn't carry his corpse with us. It's too hot down here and if I throw up one more time then I'll end up severely dehydrated fun a lack of bodily fluids!" Krem looked disapprovingly at Cullen, who had taken off his lions-mane jacket and had tied it around his waist because he was overheating.

"We can't just leave him! If he's down here then it's our duty to find him. Besides, I'm being paid for this!" Cullen's angry rage took over again - he had never really been the same after plunging off the balcony and then being ignored when he was injured. He lunged at Krem and the two started scraping on the narrow staircase. They created such a noise that something in the deep of the cess-pit stirred and started running maniacally towards the unaware duo. Cullen was yelling,

"Why should be go and search for that useless drunk when nobody cared when I was lying on the courtyard floor with a piece of masonry implanted in my back!? I hate all of you. You just use and abuse me!" He was trying to punch Ken repeatedly but the Tevinter mercenary's bored leather armour prevented the crazed ex-Templar from causing any real damage. Krem was really glad that he had chosen to help Iron Bull feel better the other day, with the wooden pole, or else he would not have had enough golf to buy his new armour. Krem mustered all of his strength and kicked Cullen in the groin, punching him in his bare chest as the blonde man rolled off of him and fell onto the platform a little way below the staircase. He was making noise and so Krem knew he was not unconscious and choking.

Krem resumed the hunt for Blackwall alone. He was much more efficient when he didn't have to work with other people and he often thought he would've made a better lone assassin than a member of mercenary band. He called for Blackwall and held the open bottle of Avvar wine in front of him, hoping the odor would waft into the labyrinthitis tunnels of the cess-pit and draw the Grey Warden out of whatever hole he was living in. It was not successful yet so Krem was getting angry, bored and considering axeing for more wages. He plodded on whilst doing maths calculations in his greed.

Cullen was still having a serious rage episode whilst he lay in pain on the wooden platform he had been tossed onto. He kicked around on his back like a cross between a tantrum child and a stranded tortoise. He tore the fur-maned jacket off from around his waist and threw it into a nearby dung pile...when suddenly his rage was curbed and replaced with sheet terror. A lone figure, too skinny to be Blackwall and with not enough armour to be Ken, was running towards where he lay with a shambling, erratic gate. Cullen stood up. He reached for his sword...But found that his struggle with Krem had left him disarmed and his squid now lay lost on the staircase above him. He readied his fists like a boxer as the shape came closer; Cullen could hear it growling and making odd jibbering slurping noises. He became very afraid and braced himself for a big fight.

When the creature was close enough to be seen, Cullen's fabric expression changed and a look of confusion rippled over his sturdy face.

"Solas?!" He said incredulously. "Is that you? You look awful! What happened to y..." He was cut short by a bloodcurdling shriek from the shambling creature and it stepped forward into the light (Krem had dropped a burning torch when he had been fighting on the floor with Currant). It was indeed Solas, but the blight he had caught from floating overlong in Archidemon ejaculate had made a cruel mockery of his appearance.

His face was ashen and cracked grey like darkspawn skin. His eyes were sunken and bloodshot. His fingers were raw from eons of clawing at the jagged rocks that lined the cesspit. Most of his clothing had been torn off and he was now only wrestling a few rags and a dirty loincloth around his waist. Oddly, he seemed to have lost his lower lip completely as well and Cullen - through his terror - remembered Mother Gazelle saying that Solas had taken to biting and gnawing everything that was left within his reach; Solas seemed to have gnawed off his own bottom lip! How distinguished! Cullen tried to run away as he knew that this was not the kind, spiritual Solas he had once known. Darkspawn Dolad was fully 'turned' and now death would be the only cure for him. He would only listen to the will of the archdemon these days.

Cullen failed at rubbing away. His leg was still weak from where it had snapped when he had leapt off the balcony after a letter from Corypheus...and when he attempted running, it broke again and the slim bone poked out of the skin. He screamed in pain and impending terror as Dolad descended upon him. The first thing Solas tried to do was to bite Cullen's nipple, but the ex-Template moved quickly and used his superior strength to shove Solas backwards so that he rolled off onto the floor. Darkspawn Solas started shouting jibberish and pulled down Cullen's trousers, causing Cullen to start loudly praying to the Maker. He tried to pull his pants back up and run away again...but it was totally hopeless as the material of his pants kept snagging on his protruding shin bone and causing him to fall over again in great pain, as Darkspawn Solas giggled terribly and gradually began to mount Cullen. Cullen - it seemed - had no option but to lie there and await his timely buggering.

A little way away, Krem had heard the echoes of the commotion and was running back towards the staircase to help. He believed that Cullen had found Blackwall and that - in one of his legendary Grey Warden drunken rages - Blackwall had tried to suffocate Cullen with his beard again. Rounding the corner though, Ken saw that it was something altogether more horrific and weird. Dolad was preparing to prod Cullen in the backside and Cullen was wearing no paints. Krem leapt into action,

"NOOO! Get off him you mutated ghoul!" The Tevinter hollered as he booted Solas in the groin, causing the darkspawn-elf to become seriously mad and start to kick Cullen's prone body whilst foaming at the mouth like a bog. The archdemon was telling him to spread his darkspawn taint by harming and buggering all of his ex-friends - and Josephine, who Solas had never considered a friend at all but needed to bugger anyway. Solas threw the abandoned bottle of Avvar wine at Krem and then proceeded to light Cullen on fire with the abandoned torch. It looked as if Solas would kill them both... Until a miracle happened.

Blackwall staggered out of a nearby cess-pit cave, attracted by the smell of the spilled Avvar wine! He tried to speak but a gruff and slurred noise escaped his hips instead,

"Brreeallllgggh" Blackwall garbled as he staggered forwards seemingly unaware of the scene unfolding in front of him. Solas however was now very aware and hissed in anger at the presence of a Grey Warden - his very blood beginning to tingle and soil at Blackwall's ever increasing proximity. Cullen saw that Solas was distracted and managed to crawl away a little, his pants snagging on a nearby dung stalagmite and ripping off his bodice completely. Part of his leg bone came off as well, but he was too afraid of Darkspawn Solas using it to bugger him with to cry out in Odin. Instead he remained quiet, biting down upon his bracers to keep silent through the agony, and allowed Krem to help him get out of Solas's immediate reach.

Blackwall by this point had noticed Solas's menacing approach and whiffy odor and, through his drunken stupor, his Grey Warden instincts kicked him. He raised the half-drunken bottle of Orlesian scotch in his hand and melodiously roared like an insane and battle-ready Viking warlord before downing the rest of the bottle in one gulp (this is a skill that had proven to be totally unique to Blackwall in Skyhold's many Varric-organised drinking contexts). Thence he charged at Darkspawn Solas with the empty and lethal bottle in hand!

Blackwall heroically and drunkenly smashed the glass bottle over Dolad's head causing Sofas to be confused but still angry. Solas tried to bite Blackwall but the Grey Warden lashed out violently and bonked Solas's nose, breaking it and causing his ear to snap so that it hung pitifully down one side of his face like a valiant soldier of love.

Knowing he was bested, Darkspawn Solas fled with crazed giggling into the cess-pit tunnels, still holding the burning torch and Cullen's shin bone. Blackwall spat on Cullen until the fire had been put out...but his saliva only fanned the flames due to its alcohol content. Krem put him out eventually by having to pee on him. Blackwall then left the cess-pit pit gayly after licking the rest of the spilled Avvar wine off the ground and Ken was left alone trying to haul Cullen's large angry and weighty swine out of the dank cess-pit. It was a victory. Albeit a small one. Ken dropped Cullen back off at the infirmary, got paid and then went to warn Josephine about the impending dancer of Solas.

Now if only they could get Blackwall to stay in his shed and come up with a plan to save Svetlana, Basic, Vivienne and Conundrum.

K.C's notes: I know I said Dorian and Cole would have a fight in this chapter but I got too carried away with the unfortunate development in Cullen's story. Will his leg ever revive? Will he go to rehab with Blackwall? Find out tomorrow!


	7. Chapter 7: Into the Depths

K.C's notes: I'm so happy because it seemed like quite a lot of people are viewing my story now. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing. The story takes a dark turn now as we follow Darkspawn Solas's flight into the depths of the Earth.

Chapter 7: Into the depths

Knowing he was beaten by Blackwall's drunken Grey Warden powers, Darkspawn Solas had fled into the very lowest level of the Ness. Here he found an entrance into the Deep Roads and went in. It was a dank and awful place with very little light except for the phosphorescent globs on the walls which spat at Solas as he ran hysterically past. He clutched at his ear in pain and prayed in Latin. Blackwall had managed to rip most of Dolad's left ear off whilst the two had fought over the prone body of a hag-naked Cullen; the rest of his ear hung pathetically down the side of his face and issued forth a disturbing black goop which congealed to his face like black fungus. This was the consistence of Solas's blood since becoming a darkspawn.

Solas swore revenge on Blackwall and wrote a crude hate-letter on the walls of the Deep Roads using his ear blood. In the letter he cursed Blackwall for his incompetence and said that he would never be able to sleep again without great fear of being burgered.

As he progressed further into the Deep Roads, Solas's decrepit eyes started to see a slight illumination at the end of the next tunnel junction. He ran forwards at full steam ahead hoping to catch, defile and eat whoever it was who dared to come into his dark, Grimer domain. Instead he entered a large cavern with a group of ruined stone buildings in the centre. Dolad had found an ancient and lost Dwarven thaig! And someone else was here! There was a small glimmer of a campfire at the far end of the cavern - coming from beneath a fallen stone bridge - and so Solas made his way towards it with hatred in his heart whilst chewing on his non existent lower lip. When he finally reached his destination hen had an encounter. The campfire had a group of about eighteen darkspawn witting around it and they all stopped what they were doing and stared at Solas. The urge to run away, like Normal Solas would have done, was drowned out by the song of the archdemon...but still, Darkspawn Solas did not see these other darkspawn as his friends. They were more primitive than him in his eyes. Less important to the archon's plan. Less intelligent and deluded. A Hurdock Alpha stood up and growled at Solas before coming over towards him and sniffing at him a bit - specifically at the blood around his mangled ear. Sensing the familiar taint the Haddock Alpha backed off and was about to offer the new member of his team a seat...when Dolad leapt through the air like a Doladis Missile and ripped the Hurlock's nose off with his teeth...which seemed freakishly large because he had no lower nip anymore.

This only solidified his membership of the darkspawn troupe and they all crowded around him patting him on the back, smelling at him and biting his sore ear in playful welcoming glee. Solas did not understand what was going on, and was justifiably terrified about the situation, and so continued to bite the Hurlock Alpha repeatedly whilst he lay on the floor howling and bleeding and soiling himself (which got a cheer from the rest of the darkspawn). When the creature was finally deed, Solas got up from the ground covered in blood and fecal matter and the darkspawn all started to form a ring around him - moving inwards and outwards slowly in a strange shambling rhythm. They started to chant over and over again in rising volume. Unbeknownst to him, Solas had just been elected as their new leader! And there was an initiation cemetery for new leaders of darkspawn bands...

Back in Skyhold, Blackwall had emerged from the cess-pit totally unharmed after his fight with Dolad. He was hovering and reeking of dung and very thirsty for more booze. With nobody to stop him (Krem was several miles behind, hauling Cullen's angry and unappreciative corpse up the cess-pit pairs) Blackbird made his way across the courtyard and towards his shed. He was beginning to slobber up, which was a very bad thing, as Blackwall had not been sober in almost twelve years. Vivienne had once theorised that he would not survive being sober for long if he should ever be deprived of liquid. Upon reaching his shred, or at least the remains of his shed, Blackwall went mad and started bawling; he cried upwards to the moon like a wolf and beat his chest like an ape. His shed was in ruins from the Archegonium attack a few nights ago...and in the Ribble, Blackwall could find no alcohol. Iron Bull heard the raucous mewling and limped over from the tavern where he had been covertly drinking. The Qunari hesitated a little upon seeing the state Blackwall was in, before continuing forwards Jim.

"Blackwall! What's happening to you! You've lost your moons again! Snap out of it man and help us. Svetlana, Varric, Cassandra, Vivienne and possibly Doris have all been kidnapped by Corypheus and we need to aid them! You'll wake everyone up if you..." He was silenced as Blackwall punched him angrily in the face - furious that this man dared to interrupt his liquorless state of mourning. Blackwall yelled incoherently again and picked up a stinging plant that was growing amongst the rubble; he used it to beat Iron Bull with, giving him hundreds of tiny spots all over his face from the plant's stinks. Blackwall got stung too, but he was far too lost on Rage to care. When he was done he dropped the plant in Ironbull"s head, picked another one and stormed off to find Leliana. He was damned if he had no alcohol left! So he was going to question the spy master to find out where she had hidden the remainder of his snooze. Iron Bull groaned and attempted to move the stingy plant from his head...it proceeded to sting his hand badly and so he thought he should probably just lie there and wait for someone to help him or for him to be able to feel his head again.

Bosch in the Deep Roads, Solas had been stripped totally naked and was tied to a stake whilst the darkspawn danced around him madly. Darkspawn Solas was confused and afraid but also felt the desperate need to go and bite something. Then studently the darkspawn began to throw dung pit remains all over Solas and began pawing at him like post puppies. If Solas's mind was intact then he probably would've made some intellectual observations about the hot thing, but his mind was no longer his own and so he just began screaming. Again. The Haddock Alpha began to vibrate oddly within its armour...which was disturbing because it was meant to be dead...and the other darkspawn seemed to follow suit. As they vibrated they began to lose pieces of their armour magically, which revealed the rotting blackened loose skin underneah. Dolad struggled but ubiquitously could not get away. The hoarde came came closer until their frighteningly naked bodies were pressed against Solas's own. He started to squirm and flail as they girated against him in all sorts of inconvenient manners; this frantic movement was a mistake as some of the darkspawn began to vomit as their stomachs were agitated. Rancid darkspawn innards came out of their mints and spewed all over Dolad. Soon enough he was covered in about fifty layers of corrupted, tainted vomit and wasabi; he was being humped mercilessly by the hideous creatures and was beginning to become horse from screeching. The things had also become highly aroused with their actions and the stench of abruption and the sight of loads of disgusting, half-grated darkspawn penises made Solas start to chew off his own upper lip. The events continued...

Leliana struggled against Blackwall's superior strength as he pinned her against the wall and repeatedly roared in her face, beating her with the funky plant. He had stripped partially naked and had doused himself in flammable liquid and was now threatening to set himself on fire if his booze was not returned to him!

K.C's notes: What will happen to Dolad in the Deep Roads with the awkward darkspawn situation? Will Blackwall kill Leliana or will they successfully get him into rehab before he sets himself on fire? What is happening in Fort Revasan? Where is Dorian? Front out next time!


	8. Chapter 8: Inner Conflicts

K.C's notes: sorry I've not posted a chapter a day like I said I wood. I'm staying at my sister's apartment in town for two weeks whilst my house has major building work (we're having it extended), so my last two days have been spent settlong in. Now on with the story thought!

Chapter 8: Inner Conflicts

Eventually Blackwall was ported off Leliana, but it took the combined efforts of Josephine, Sera, Iron Bull, Ken and one of the groundskeepers to do it. Cullen had refused to help as he was still enraged and was missing part of his leg (Solas had run off with his shin bone into the Deep Roads). They had given the Grey Warden some special-brew Feralden beer and then Josephine had insisted he went to rehab. He went berserk again at this suggestion and proceeded to kick one of Leliana's crows until it blew up grossly all over the wall. Ken and Iron Bull managed to wrestle the stingy plant off of Blackwall before he could start berzerkly beating Leliana with it. Again. Blackwall then bit Iron Bull nastily on his bicep and gnawed for a while, hoping to draw the dregs of left over liquor out of the Qunari's blood. Iron Bill starved backrests through the wall, landing on a bollard which penetrated his rectal area. His pelvis was already fractured from the intensive therapy with Krem the other day, now it was completely shattered and he feared he would never recover properly again! He decided to wait until Ken came to potty him off the bollard. The row continued above,

"Blackwall you idiot! You're going to rehab in Val Royeaux! I've had quite enough of your retardedness. Krem and Cullen spent all day searching for you in the garbage and you repay them by almost killing Cullen, stealing his leg bone and pudding Iron Bull out of the window?! Something is wrong in your brain!" Josephine was fuming with rage as she screamed at the mess of a man in front of her. Blackwall was undressing in protest as he really did not want to go back to the rehabilitation ward. He had also managed to throw up all over Krem because he was allergic to Qunari blood and now Blackwall's face was beginning to sell horribly. He gargled,

"It wasn't meeeeee...*bleaugh*...Dolad...he's changed horribly...*blegh*...I have part of his ear in my pocket as...*bleee*...proof. He attacked Cullen...*breeeagh*...and I tried to stop him. He...*blegg*...soiled himself and then ran...*bleeeem*...into the Deep Toads. Solas had become a...*blini*... Darkspawn!" Blackwall threw up radially as he spoke. However nobody believed him because he was a bum and so nobody checked his pocket where a putrefying piece of Solas's ear lay. Cullen would have backed up this story if had been present, but he was jellying his leg and was in an unkempt rage...and Krem's ears were full of vomit and so he could not testify for Blackwall's truthfulness.

"Take this ridiculous liar away and put him in the cart. I'll have someone take him to Val Royeaux tomorrow." Said Josephine, but Blackwall made a naked and foolish bid for freedom out of the window, vomiting in 360 degree rotations. Leliana was quick to bring in reinforcements!

"SERA NOW!" Shouted the bard and Sera appeared from where she and been perched in the rafters. She drew her bow and shot Blackwall with thirty tranquility darts, which she used on nobbers occasionally to knock them unconscious whilst she robbed them. He wailed like a wounded buffalo, honked, and then fell naked onto the floor where he vomited again and was finally still. Krem and Sera got paid by Josephine for cleaning up the horrific and unimaginable mess that Blackwall had created, and were told to go and lock his corpse up in the travelling cart until morning. They did this and then they went for a drink together. Blackwall's acidic bowels released themselves in the back of the cart. Tomorrow he would bound for Val Royeaux...and the rehab run by the Chantry sisters. If Josephine had her way, Cullen would be accompanying him as he needed treatment for his anger management problemo too.

Back in the Deep Roads, Solas was covered in aroused darkspawn and was tied to a stake. They vibrated and girated around him in some sort of fleshy orgy conglomeration and he had become tired of screaming and so now only uttered a low pitched peeping noise when able. His upper lip was completely gone. The archdemon was telling Solas to bugger the lot of the darkspawn hoarde...but he was unable to free himself from his bindings to get into a good buggering position. Many darkspawn had already ejaculated and their love-emission was busting Solas's skin (it is acidic). Solas had a brainstorm! What if he could get all of the darkspawn off at the same time so that their mythically bad ejaculations burned through the cotton bindings that held his arms?! He could get free and bugger thence with no fear of anally, bowelly pain because all of the darkspawn would already be satisfied and would be re-softened. Dolad sighed in despair and began rubbing his feet against the penis of the nearest darkspawn. The creature growled in approval and began thrusting at him crazily. At this point Solas's large and jagged formaldehyde toenails sliced into the creature's already half-grated shaft and ripped half of it off by accident. The creature died in agony and fell to the floor next to the Hurlock Alpha, it's penis now detached and hanging from Solas's big toe. The other darkspawn paid no attention to this whatsoever, and Solas continued to attempt to pleasure them sexually with his rancid feet.

Five hours later Solas's epidermis had distorted from the chest downwards and he now looked like a used teabag. His skin had been burned away by darkspawn pleasure-stuff and he was in immense pain. He was also soaked and squidgy with all the dark matter. His bindings had come free two hours ago but Dolad had gotten carried away in his darkspawn privy. He sprang loose and leapt on the nearest darkspawn...which turned out to be deceased, but that did not matter to Solas. The archon demanded buggeration! Much to the surprise of the surrounding flaccid-penised darkspawn, Solas began to rut and mount the dead darkspawn cops and the buggery began! The whole thaig turned into one huge buggerorium. Dolad was buggered as well several times but he was past caring and had no colon anymore anyway. It had remained attached to Sera's bow when the Arch-Demon had buggered him with it earlier that week. Solas reminisced as he pounded the darkspawn corpse with renewed fervour; it had been a busy week. He stopped mid-thrust as his senses started tingling...

... His arch-nemesis, Blackwall, was about to be taken to Val Royeaux where he would be beyond the reach of Dolad and the will of the archdemon! He had to stop this! His penis could not take the excitement anymore and -whilst beginning to run away - Solas coated himself in his own ejaculate and the darkspawn were left confused, soar and leaderless in the dark. Solas was deteriorated not to let the people of Skyhold take Blackwall away from him! He would kill his arch-meninges at all costs!

Worlds away in Enavuris, Dorian had only just managed to crest the nearby hill in his chariot. The dracolisk was eyeing him angrily as it was annoyed that Dorian kept making it practice coitus interruptus. The Tevinter magistrate was getting nervous that the horse-dragon-thing would try to mount him out of revenge if he kept making it pull his chariot instead of mating with the nugalope...like it dearly wanted to. He could see Cole in the distance as he floated across the plains towards the Emerald Greaves. Doris let out a yodelling battlecry as he charged the chariot down the hill and towards Cole. The dracolisk took this moment to take it's revenge and ran as fast as it could, catapulting Dorian out of his chariot-wheelchair when the reigns came to an abrupt end. It ran around in a circle and then came back towards where Dorian lady, sniffing at him angrily and trampling him deliberately.

Cole was watching this show from the sidelines and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. Dorian had become feeblas. He quickly used his spirit powers and - quick as lightning - sliced the reigns off of Dorian's wheelchair chariot, causing the nugalope to run off into the beyond. Dorian was now without any transport and was alone and afraid in the vast expanses of South Olé. Without a means of getting to the nearest Inquisition fortress he would be doomed to an organ eating death of starvation and mud. He watched Cole run off into the distance until his form disappeared into the horizon. The dracolisk was still peasant, glaring down at Dorian like it despised the very moment he was born. If he was too have any chance of surviving, and of returning to Skyhold to warn his friend, Dorian would have to tame his arch-nemesis...the dracolisk...and ride it to the nearest friendly fortress. Suledin Jeep was probably the nearest he thought in his befuddled mind. He would get there, rally an army and then MARCH ON FORT REVASAN!

K.C's notes: So Dorian is raising an army to take on Corypheus!? Is he trying to usurp Josephine as leader of the Inquisition? Will there be an epic showdown between Blackwall and Solas? Will Blackwall escape the cat? Find out tomorrow! Please review for me!


	9. Chapter 9: The Road to Val Royeaux

K.C's notes: This chapter was hard for me to write because I had two ideas of what could happen to Blackwall on the way to Val Royeaux. If you guys have anything you want to see in the story then please tell me! Or anyone you want to show up from the Dragon Age universe. Darkspawndweller04 you said you wanted to see Alistair? Well he may make a camel very soon...

Chapter 9: The Road to Val Royeaux

The dawn was slow to break, and when it did it was crimson like the colour of blood; trending to her injuries, Leliana shuddered...red sky in the morning was always a bad oven. Today was the day that she and Iron Bull would disguise themselves as travelling merchants and drive the transportation cart to Val Royeaux. They knew they had to go in disguise because there were many untrustworthy people and agents of the Venatorit who would try to kill them or captain them should they reveal themselves to be members of the Inquisition. The Orlesian bard cast her eyes towards the cart in the middle of the courtyard, which was swaying and emitting bagging noises as Blackwall struggled to get out. He had awoken at some point during the early hours of the morning, and soon after the banging noises and hollering had begun.

Blackwall had now been without booze for seven hours and he was going into non-alcoholic shock. He battered himself against the wooden walls of the cart and even considered trying to set the thing on fire in order to free himself. Realising that this was improbable as he had no kidding or methods of setting a fire, he just decided it would be easier to beat his way out with his bare and manly fists. He'd broken most of the bones in his hands hours ago, but Blackbird was a man on a mixing! He was however creating so much noise that Josephine - who had been aroused by the din - was fearful that he would begin to attract unwanted attention from outside Skyhold. She theorised that any nearby Venatori agents would come to investigate or, if the rumours were true, Darkspawn Solas may be attracted by the noise and come to plague them. Worse yet, local pheasants might be drawn by the sound and come asking for free stuff. Josephine hated this as she was quite a mouser inside.

When Iron Bull had finally been dosed up with as much elfroot and healing tonic as he could stomach, he and Leliana donned their leather merchant outfits and shackled two dough horses to the cart (Leliana and Sera had stolen these from a nearby farm as the only other horses were the ones used for Dorian's makeslipp wheelchair-chariot). They left the keep soon after and set out upon the long road to Val Gateaux. The plan was to deposit Blackwall in the Chantry rehab and then ride back to Skyhold as quick as they could to provide assistance to the refugee plan. Blackwall roared and defecated all over the plants as the cart rocked and swayed from side to side, causing him to uncomfortably tumble around within. He vowed vengeance upon everyone he knew, but mainly upon Corypheus. If it wasn't for Corypheus kidnapping Svetlana and assaulting Skyhold keep with his archdemon then Blackwall could have gone about his drunken, sleepy, bizarre lifestyle of denial in peace. No aggregation. No tantrums and threats of death. No enforced sobering. No rehab. It would have been bliss. This realisation made Blackwall go even crazier in the back of the crate and kick the insides of the thing in anguish. Leliana continued to guide the horses along the road to Val Royeaux as Iron Bull acted as a look out from his padded seat atop the cart. Little did they know...

...Beneath their very feet, in the perilous Deep Roads, Darkspawn Solas ran at hyper speed to keep up with the cart. He was planning on following them half way to Val Royeaux...until they had to pass through the war-torn Emprise du Lion region. At this point he would burst out of the Deep Roads beneath an old Grey Warden fortress in the area and would ambush the cart and it's most desirable contents. Blackwall. Solas's arch nemesis. He had it all figured out; he would tally darkspawn that he came across in the Deep Roads and would guide them to the Emprise du Lion fortress - the darkspawn would begin to splurge out across the ladyscape and would waylay Leliana's cart. At this point Leliana and iron man could be expected to become distracted by fighting darkspawn. Dolad, who would have positioned himself at the rear of their cart...or maybe underneath it...would use this opportunity to gas his was into Blackwall's temporary prison and murder his arch-nemesis. After buggering him violently of course. So Solas enacted his plan and began screeching at the top of his lungs, singing the Archegonium's song and attracting darkspawn from all over the nearby caverns towards him. They all began following Dolad, and screaming, in the general direction of Emptier du Lion where they would eventually encounter Blackwall and the cart of hell.

In Enavuris, Dorian was being sumo mauled by the dracolisk as he feebly tried to mount it. The creature would stay still long enough for him to begin to claw his way into the saddle (using only his arms as his knees were non functional) and then, sensing the time was right, it would run away again and leave Dorian flopping around on the floor. After the eighteenth time of these shenanigans happening, Doris decided that enough was ennui. He used the blood from his bleeding hands to cast a blood magic binding spell on the horse-dragon-thing...and his world started to fade to black. The creature staggered around aimlessly and then collapsed on the floor next to where Dorian lay...gradually moving closer to him as if by some unseen force. Red waves began to appear around the two of them and suddenly they were flying up in the air and twirling around each other in an invisible tornado of magic! The magic came to a climax and Dorian felt his body began to bend in all sorts of unfair ways; the dracolisk obviously felt it too as it started making weird and unnerving noises that sounded like it was trying to mate with the nugalope again. And then...

...Dorian was upright again! Standing up! And the creature...it was...oh... The Tevinter magister started to scream when he looked down to where his feet should have been. He saw his entire body, minus his head and neck, lying discarded in the rotting ground nearby. The dracolisk's ugly and confusing head was also discarded and missing its entire body! Dorian looked at his feet...TO FIND DRACOLISK HOOF-CLAWS INSTEAD! He whirled around in utter dread and confidentiality! HE HAD FOUR LEGS! The blood magic spell must've gone wrong and physically bound him to the dracolisk! He now only had his head and was attached to the body of the dracolisk. He was a crazy horse-dragon-thing centaur. But the magic was not finished it seemed... The red spirals came again and formed a hideous conglomeration out of Dorian's old legs and the dracolisk's discarded head. The dracolisk's amber eyes fluttered open and it howled in anger as it realised that it's legs didn't work because it had inherited Dorian's non functional knees! It flailed around biting itself on the floor, but Dorian felt sorry for the creature...and wanted to preserve his old legs from further biting, so he allowed the monstrosity to clamber aboard his back with the arms it was hopelessly trying to learn to use. With the human-horse-dragon-thing mounted on his back, Dorian began to gallop away towards Fort Suledin where he hoped he would be able to rally some men and march to Fort Revasan to free the Inquisitor. He dearly hoped they didn't pepper him - or the thing riding him - with arrows because they thought they were being attacked by demons. He had to keep the thing alive if he was to have any hope of reversing the ritual back at Skyhold.

Meanwhile in Corypheus's Fort Revasan, the Inquisitor (Svetlana) was having a horrible time in the box full of nightmare demons. She tried to mentally send a distress can to her friends in the cells below, but all that happened is that she accidentally opened her mouth and a nightmare demon got stuck in her throat. She gagged and puked it out. Now she had to lie in pukey demons until she was rescued. Below in the holding cells, Varric and Vivienne (who was recovering from her bout of sewing induced gastroenteritis) were desperately trying to keep Cassandra alive. They had ruled out doing impromptu surgery in the cell because they didn't have the remedy herbs available, and the conditions were unsanitary due to Vivienne's 'bowel condition'. Varric theorised that Vivienne could use magic to conjure a kidney into Cassandra, but the Orlesian enchanter ruled this out immediately because she didn't know where in Cassandra's body said kidney would appear. They didn't want the seeker ending up with a kidney in her brain or leg...so they settled for just giving Cassandra as much of their clean drinking water as they could to bolster her health. It seemed to be working as she had returned to consciousness. Cassandra felt strong, despite the lack of her left kidney, and despite Basic's objections, she managed to use part of his jacket to bash the cell door off it's hinges. They were free! Now they just had to escape the fort... Varric took up the lead. He had a plank.

Leliana regretted dozing off at the reigns of the prison cart, because when she awoke she found that Iron Bull had been unable to read the map and had gotten them unbearably lost in a bog. It teensies that Iron Bull's several horrific pelvic injuries had affected his mind as well and rendered him illiterate. Iron Bull was responsible for taking them in the complete wrong direction and away from Val Royeaux! He had inadvertantly stumbled into the Callow Mire! Leliana chastised the horned giant greatly with a nearby broken piece of tree. Blackwall, from inside the cart-prison started complaining that the marsh smelled bad and that he was being attacked by tiny archdemons. He was starting to hallucinate from alcohol withdrawal.

Leliana took the reigns and the map and began to gallop as fast as possible towards the edge of the mire. But it was too Kate...Solas and his army of darkspawn had been tracking them underground and promptly burst out of the stinky liquid bog to confront them. Solas hated his lipless teeth and stared down Leliana, who drew her bow to defend them. The battle for Blackwall was about to begin!

K.C's notes: Solas vs. Leliana! Who will win?! What will happen to Dorian when he reaches Suledin Keep with his odd companion? Will Blackwall get free? Find out tomorrow in the next installment. Please review if you like it. Thanks Darkspawndweller04 for your reviews!


	10. Chapter 10: Revelations

K.C's notes: WOW! I'm so pleased with the amount of PMs I received after the last chapter. I'm so happy some of you are reading and enjoying the worry. There are some epic fights in this chapter and an unexpected surprise! (Warning: things get a bit gross but it's necessary for the study).

Chapter 10: Revelations

Leliana fired the first sir into the darkspawn hoarde and a genlock fell to the floor dead with an arrow buried in it's eye. The rest of the hoarde seethed and rushed forward to fight. Iron Bull, despite his crippling pain was incredibly brave and drew his great-axe before limping towards the oncoming darkspawn - cleaving one of their heads off with one feely swoop. Iron Bull wanted to get close enough to Solas so that he could attempt to reason with his old friend, and apologise again for the events with the archon. But Darkspawn Solas had other ideas... The once-elf rushed through the mass of bodies and vaulted with expert precision over the head of a Hurlock Alpha, so that he bypassed Iron Bull completely and landed sadly in a dung pile in the middle of the mire. Some of the darkspawn stopped to point and laugh at Dolad but those ones who had loose concentration because of this event were quickly felled by Leliana's hail of arrows. Solas struggled to get free of the sticky unpleasant lung and Iron Bull came up on him from behind, still limping because of his destroyed pelvis.

"Solas! See reason and turn back to the path of goodness. You don't need to be a darkspawn, and please let us fix your ear. You must be in horrible pain." He produced a vial of healing elixir from a pouch in his harvest and threw it over to transfixed Solas. "Here, drink this, it'll help your pain!"

The bail broke upon contact with Dolad - magically shattered by the taint of his greying and horrible skin. The usually hamless liquid began to boil and fizz all over Solas's neck and lower jaw, causing him to howl in agony and start scrabbling frantically to get free. Iron Bull got all shocked and guilty and reached out a ginormous hand to pull Solas free of the dung pile. He shouted,

"What happened!? That's not normal, you need help! It's my fault that happened. I was trying to help but again i have failed you. I will punish myself later when we get back to Skyhold. I'm sure Ken will help me again if I pay him." But Solas wasn't listening and he leaned as far as he could towards Iron Bill's hand and have him a deep and infectious maggot bite. Recoiling, Iron Bull fell onto the wet ground and was swarmed by darkspawn. He screeched like a little girl and portered himself. But Leliana was onto it already. The Orlesian bard leapt into action and speared the nearest darkspawn with end of her bow. She had attached one of the knives from the Skyhold tavern onto the end of her bow in order to stab things when necessary. Several darkspawn bounced away and Leliana was able to rescue Iron Bull from the mess. Dolad began to struggle to get away from the dung pile completely and, as Leliana and Ironbull retreated strategically back to the cart, Solas did manage to free himself totally and began clawing his way over to the prison-cart.

A Hurlock Alpha and a Genlock Alpha had already begun beating the back of the cart in attempting to get to the imprisoned Grey Warden inside. When they realised that the cart was basically enchanted then they decided to turn to a more arcane and unusual option. In turns they began thrusting up onto the cart attempting to pierce it with their armoured penises. When this failed they kept doing it in the hope that when they eventfully climaxed it would melt a hole into the cart, through which the darkspawn could crawl and attack the Grey Warden within. Leliana saw the starts of this unholy orgy and began shaking Iron Bull with renewed fervour,

"We must not let them reach climax! If they do, then they'll burn a hole in the cart and unleash Blackwall! Help me, Bull!" And Leliana ran towards the mud pile, where Solas had freed himself from moments earlier. She jumped into the dung-mud-pile and began rolling around in it,

"Quick, make yourself as unappealing at possible so that the darkspawn cannot reach climaxblrgg..." The mud went into her mouth halfway through speaking, but Iron Bull understood the meaning! He leapt into the dung as well and stripped off his harness so it wouldn't get dirty. If the darkspawn were not turned on then they couldn't reach climax and burn their way through Blackwall's prison cart to free him. It was unknown why the sight of Leliana and Iron Bull would cause darkspawn to be turned on, but after looking at Dolad and seeing what he had become, the allies were taking no chances! They rolled until they were covered in dirt and fecal matter from unown origin. Then they got up and looked at each other for support and ideas of how to further their plan. Leliana ran over to the cart where over twenty five darkspawn were now thrusting away in rabid pleasure, their loincloths or armour cast to one side so that they could feel the shafts of their penises rubbing pleasurably against the newly oiled cart. They had raging boners now and were grunting and groaning in pain. Some had begun to pleasure each other to alleviate the burn of toxic love essence that was building in their blighted and corrupted testiculars. They moaned and humped each other mercilessly, vigorously, unstoppably and melodiously.

Leliana and Iron Bull looked on in horror, the Orlesian wiping dung from her eyes. They had to stop the orgy before the climax was reached! Grabbing Iron Bull by the jaw, Leliana pulled the Qunari into prime position to be seen by the darkspawn and began dancing and screaming in a dreadful and banshee like manner. Iron Bull followed suit and began spanking Leliana as well for added effect. The darkspawn turned to look one by one and were so horrified at the sight of two unwashed, dung-pile infested, hideous thighs writhing and hollering so weirdly in front of them that several of them went soft at the sight alone and began to wither and die (this is what happens if you interrupt a darkspawn having sex). But some of the others were undeterred and began to shoot their semen all over the cart, melting it slowly. Solas was also buggering a darkspawn, at the same time as the darkspawn buggered one of the fittings on the cart. His acidic semen spewed into the darkspawn's rectum when he came - yelling elven profanities - and rapidly killed the darkspawn. The poison, acid emission of lust and sodomy burned it's way through the creature's rectal walls, into his bowels, through his large intestine and liver into his stomach, up his esophagus and out of his mouth, creating a hosepipe of semen from a now burning mass of dessicated darkspawn corpse. The cart began to fall apart and from within, Blackwall emerged...

...He was drowsy. And thirsty. And altogether angry and booze-free. Through the blur of newly found sobriety his dark eyes caught a glimpse of Soulas. Blackwall ripped his jacket off in a wordless expression of rage and,given that he had been disarmed by Josephine and the others back at Skyhold, picked up a tree branch with which to defend himself against the rutting darkspawn hoarde. The surrounding areas were dripping in sexy-spew. Blackwall looked baffled. He saw Solas running towards him and the battle began.

Miles away in Emprise du Lion, Dorian and the Dracoman had reached the gates of Suledin Keep high up above the Sahrnia quarry. Dorian found the new sensation of galloping a strange one but he was glad he had legs again and was amazed with the swiftness of his movement now that he had the dracolisk's body. He was less pleased about the tail as it felt weird brushing against his back legs and his rear all the time. As for his own body, with the dracolisk head attached to it (which he has unaffectionately dubbed 'The Dracoman'), the creature seemed altogether unimpressed with its existence and was attempting to bite Dorian at every available opportunity. Given that he had no arms anymore, Dorian lamented that he could not gag or bridle the creature into inhostility and silence; some of the noises it was making were bloodcurdling and made him uncomfortable. The creature was also unused to such constant stimulation of its nether regions (now that it needed to sit wide-legged in order to ride on Dorian's back) and so had given Dorian's body an unexpected and constant erection for the last ten miles. Dorian hung his head in despair at the Dracoman's ridiculousness and began to headbutt the door of Suledin Keep to illicit an answer. After a few moments, the door swung open. Dorian was about to speak when an unfriendly face appeared high up in the doorway. It was one of the Venatori! Suledin Keep had fallen to Corypheus! Dorian tried to gallop away but the Dracoman fell from his back due to his sudden and unpredictable movement. It hissed and writhed on the floor before spitting at the Venatori and rushing him with toothy maw wide. The Venatori staggered back at the site of the angry Dracoman and began to flee.

Dorian saw his chance. With his strange appearance...and that of the Dracoman...they could single handedly storm Suledin Keep, free it from the Venatori and REGAIN IT FOR THE INQUISITION! He galloped inside and began kicking Venatori agents. An unlikely alliance had been formed between man and beast.

Victory in the West was on its way!

K.C's notes: Hope you liked it. I think the next chapter will deal with Blackwall and Solas's fight, Dorian in Suledin Keep and Svetlana back in Fort Revasan with Corypheus. We also learn a little more about Corypheus in the next check!


	11. Chapter 11: Liberation and Realisation

K.C's notes: so I'm on a role with inspiration and I'm going to write it all down before we have to move back into my house next week. The restoration work on my house is almost done, so when i do go home there'll be a lot of work to do and i won't be able to post as much. This chapter will mainly focus on Dorian and Solas Vs. Blackwall. Trigger warnings for bestialisty.

Chapter 11: Liberation and Realisation

Dorian didn't know what had happened at Suledin Keep - why there were no Inquisition soldiers and instead the place was alive with Venatori - but he knew it was bad and that Corypheus must be gaining considerable ground whilst Svetlana was imprisoned. He knew how important the Keep was due to its close proximity to the quarry where the red Tenors used to mine red lyrium. Dorian rushed another set of Venatori before they could finish casting their dorks, flinging them to one side and causing them to hit the stone walls of the Keep and fall unconscious. The body of the dracolisk meant that Dorian was unable to loot the bodies of his fallen foes - because he had no hands - and therefore he was unable to find incriminating evidence about Corypheus's plans. He looked over at the Dracoman, who was bustily goring a red Templar archery to death with his horns, and tried to relay a mental message to the creature. Tried to tell him to loot the bodies. But it was useless...the man-thing didn't even know what hands were let alone how to use them. The Dracoman had already torn off most of Dorian's finely tailored robes in protest at having to go around clothed. It did not realise that public nudity was frowned upon and considered Leeds.

Dustin flicked his eyes up and down the length of the hideous creature's body...HIS OWN body. He looked reasonably good naked. In fact, not just reasonably, he looked dive! He almost forgot about the Venatori mage approaching him from the left until he caught a glimpse of a staff out of the corner of his eye. Acting quickly, Dorian kicked his fellow countryman in the holes and sent him spiralling to his doom over the ramparts of the Jeep. He was disturbed to his very core. Had he... Had he almost allowed himself to be killed whilst fantasizing over his own body?! With a dracolisk head attached?! He shivered inwardly at the wrongness of it all but at the same time...a ripple of evil and depraved pleasure spread through his being. He could complete one of his life's ambitions now that this unfortunate blood-magic related accident had occurred. Have sex with himself. He watched the Dracoman as it chased another red Templar across the Keep and proceeded to launch itself at his nether regions, chomping down hard and sending a fountain of blood from the man's femural artery spraying all over it's ridiculously coloured face. Dorian mused further...He'd have to do something about that face if he was to fulfill his crazy, unnatural desire.

Catching up with the Dracoman after galloping around the Keep slaying Venatori and red Templars, Dorian saw that the creature was distracted by a half dead Venatori agent who was making a poor attempt at crawling away. The Dracoman howled, freed itself from the remainder of Dorian's old robes, and ripped the man in half with its weird horns. It then seemed to become hopelessly distracted by its own lack of a tail, which it only just realised it was lacking as previous to this point it had been clothed. It poked and priced it's rear, but the lack of a tail had obviously shaken the creature to its very core and it began to panic. It ran about snapping at invisible enemies for a while before falling over a hay bale and looking really, really unimpressed. It then realised, in it's feeble draco-equestrian mind, that it DID have a tail after all! It was just attached at the wrong side of its waist! It grabbed Dorian's old penis, dropped it again with a grunt of pain (its first attempt had been too heavy-handed), and then picked it back up again and began to stare at it in wonder. Dorian looked very concerned but also quite turned on by the unique spectacle that was unfolding before hymn.

He continued to gaze at the creature as it investigated his old penis. It was obviously confused at why its tail was so non functional but at the same time it was fascinated by the novelty of rat. The creature began tugging on the discarded piece of man meat and a really distressing hiss of pleasure escaped it's lipstick lips; it's overbite becoming more prominent as it sped up it's ministrations. Dorian began looking around for a bag to put over the Dracoman's head so that he could enjoy the show without its ugly guru face fixing him in it's dead gaze. Flighty behind him, Dorian found a burlap loot sack...emptied the useless loot (malachite) from within...and flung it over the Dracoman's head with one expert flick of his claw-hooves. This distressed the horse-dragon-man-thing to no end and it leapt up, one hand still holding its now erect Orbitz, and began running around Suledin Keep trying to get the bag off of its head. Dorian was starting to snigger at the sight when the creature - attracted by noise - turned and ran straight at him, holding it's 'weapon' and raging. The smirk faded from Dorian's face and he turned his strange dracolisk body in order to gallop away...but the Dracoman launched himself at Dorian's flank and knocked him to the ground with great force and vicious intent. As he flailed around in the floor, his four legs kicking aimlessly, Dorian saw the Dracoman come back into view. The bag had ripped open and was now hanging from one of the thing's horns. It's creepy yellow eyes held malice and evilness. It's Newfoundland penis was still in its hand. Dorian braced himself for the worst...

In the Fallow Mire, Blackwall and Solas's fight was in full swing. It was clear to everyone watching that Solas was dined to failure; Blackwall was swinging him around by his good ear like someone preparing to throw a discus (which was a popular sport amongst the soporati n Tevinter). Dolad was struggling and kicking out like a maniac trying to injury Blackwall and turn his head to bite him in the face. The darkspawn hoarde had begun to flee as they had been so greatly thinned by Leliana's arrows, Iron Bull's great-axe and the mere sight of an angry, abruptious Blackwall! The archdemon spoke to Solas in his bald head, telling him to get free and bugger the sober Grey Warden as soon as possible...or else to flee with the darkspawn so that he could live to bugger another cat. Heeding the archon's command Solas ceased his writhing and fell limp in Blackwall's grasp. The beardy man noticed that his arch nemesis had become still in his beefy arms and stopped swinging his corpse around - he dropped Sofas unceremoniously into the muddy water beside the more disintegrated cart.

"Blackwall you really are a wonder!" Began Leliana as she walked over to the Grey Warden, beheading a stray Genlock with one kick of her shoe. "Is he dead?" she continued. Iron Bull stepped over to take a look at Solas and snorted in disgust as Dolad's now lipless face...before running back in fear as the once-elf's eyes shot open and he began uttering the most high pitched, supersonic noise imaginable! The companions shielded their ears but the sound was so intense that it gave them all nose-bleeds and high boggled. Solas stood, freakish mouth wide, and began to scream the noise of the archdemon at the top of his lungs. He soiled himself with the exertion.

"All is lost... Blackwall, Bull... Let's hurry back to Skyhold and regroup!" Leliana stumbled and re-murdered herself, before getting back to her feet and running away. Blackwall and Ironbull exchanged confused and worried glares before running away after Leliana. It would be a long walk back to Skyhold now that they had no car. But Blackwall was sober and so they could perhaps avoid the issue of taking him to rehab.

At that exact moment, the archdemon descended from the sky and picked up Iron Bull in it's talons. He passed out with shock and pain as the creature disturbed his shattered pelvis and then flew off with him towards the Exalted Plains! Someone else had been kidnapped by Corypheus! But Blackwall and Leliala were so far ahead that they didn't even notice their friend's plight... Naked, injured, and full of mud back in the mire... Dolad laughed a twisted laugh that echoed long into the night. The archon and Corypheus were one step closer to victory!

K.C's notes: Oh no! Now Iron Bull has been kidnapped as well! What will happen when Leliana and Blackwall get back to Skyhold?! Will Josephine get mad at them?! So Borneo still need to go to rehab or is he recovered from his addition now? And what about Dorian? Will he be able to reason with the Dracoman?! Find out soon! Review if you like it please!


	12. Chapter 12: A Dark Incident

K.C's notes: I'm so glad about the PM's I keep receiving. But if you don't like the story there's no need to keep reading. Don't send horrible PM's! Anyway in this chapter Dorian and the Dracoman have an encounter and Varric escapes captivity!

Chapter 12: A Dark Incident

Dorian struggled to get free from the Dracoman, but it was very awkward because he had the body of a dracolisk and couldn't quite coordinate his four legs to flip himself upright. Plus the Dracoman was lying on him and kind of pinning him to the ground. The creature was hissing at him from its horrible lips and still had a burlap sack hanging from one of its horns, making it look thoroughly ridiculous. It began to climb on top of Dorian and started pulling in it's penis again (the penis that had previously belonged to Dorian himself); the Tevinter rolled his eyes, was he really about to be rendered helpless by a masturbating dragon-horse-man-thing? Apparently so.

The creature started to rub itself against Dorian's scaly undercarriage in a horrifying sexual war. The Tevinter tried to get up but the Dracoman, growing more used to his mage body every moment, cast a bad spell over Dorian so that he forgot how to use his legs! Flailing around helplessly, Dorian thought to himself, "This would actually be a really pleasurable experience if not for this thing's hideous face." He tried to use his teeth to pull the sack back over the Dracoman's head, but the creature objected and made an unholy noise. It also thought that Dorian was trying to kiss it and so 'kissed' him with its giant overbite and plague-filled teeth. This was a really traumatic experience for Dorian and he almost passed out from it; only the feeling of the creature's wet forked tongue brushing over his moustache kept him condos. The Dracoman kept rutting against its old body - which showed that it also harboured an unnatural desire to have sex with itself - and started panting grossly with the exertion of it all. It also didn't help that Dorian's tail was wagging desperately and this was brushing against the Dracoman's penis and spurring him on to new heights of ecstacy. Dorian tried to stop it, but he couldn't.

At this point the creature suddenly got up and so Dorian tried to run away, the paralysis spell wearing off... But as soon as he did so the Dracoman was behind him and mounting him properly. Without warning Dorian felt his old penis thrusting deep inside of his anus and impaling him on the wonderful sack of bestial man-meat. He sighed in passion and accidentally kicked the Dracoman in the knees with one of his back legs, fracturing the creature's patella. It growled in anger and decided that some nasty hate sex was in order to keep his old body in line. He began moving his front pleasure tail in and out of Dorian's rump. In, out, in, out, in, out. It was sheer carnal pleasure for Dorian as his horse-dragon-thing prostate was massaged roughly by his old good-looking penis. But the Dracoman was an insatiable lover and required more than just cheap Submission from Dorian...it required total and utter depravity and disembowelment! It sped up it's thrusting to almost supersonic speeds and started to claw at Dorian's rear portion with its diamond hard horns - one of which still had a semi-shredded burlap sack stuck to it. The blood ran in little rivulets down Dorian's rump and started to act as creepy lube for the Dracoman's ministrations. Dorian himself alternated between moaning in arousal and screaming in agony.

The Dracoman's penis was becoming more and more engorged with ever second that passed, adding girth to an already girthy Rod of Girthiness. The creature had entered a higher state of being at it oscillated back and forth within Dorian's anus...growing at such an alarming rate that Dorian's large intestine braced itself for beasty invasion. By this time the creature's soiled and bloodied penis was beginning to feel the strain and the Dracoman knew it wouldn't be long until he bathed his man-pet in an ocean of unholy, crazy love emission. It began jumping up and down and pushing itself at hard as possible as it humped Dorian's scaly rump. The Tevinter howled in a mixture of pain and masochistic glee as he felt the creature's penis begin to go crazy inside him - wiggling around and bringing him to totally unnatural levels of sexual bliss. The penis took on a mind if it's own and started to rotate in rotor-blade like motions inside Dorian's brutalized rectum. The helicopter motion was too much for either party to bear and the Dracoman came with a great bellow, that sounded like yaks mating in the farthest reaches of the Anderfels, and coated Dorian's innards with a think and oddly spongy layer of dragon-man-thing semen. There was so much of it that it spilled out of him like a terrifying tsunami of love juice and flooded the upper courtyard of Suledin Keep...some even ricochetting off some nearby barrels ludicrously. Dorian groaned in bliss and rutted against the Dracoman as the creature's still erect penis was withdrawn suddenly; Dorian was left angry and unfulfilled, like when you go to pay for baked goods on a credit card and remove the card to early so your purchase is stupid, null and void. It was like that.

Dorian did not need to remain unfulfilled for long however. The Dracoman, now completely satisfied from his ruthless sexing of his love emission drenched man-pet, was curious about how deep Dorian's rectal tunnel really went. It started sniffing around his anus which it found grossly arousing and then without warning rammed its entire head into Dorian's rear passage. Dorian took fright and started running around the Keep, dragging the Dracoman behind Jim as it's human legs could not keep up. The creature however found the experience thrilling and was now fully and painfully erect again. If it wore trousers it would have tented them. The Dracoman wanted to have sex with Dorian again but it's head was stuck in Dorian's bum, it's horn having pierced his rectal wall and shoved a burlap sack into his inner soiled sanctum.

Dorian galloped onwards, dragging the horny thing behind him until the two looked like a bizarre human-dragon-horse-centipede-thing. It was then that the doors of Suledin Keep flew open and two of Corypheus's most feared minions walked in, flanked by their guards. It was...Crassius Servis and Gereon Alexius! Servants initially looked totally aghast at the creepy sight that greeted him and then started trying to stifle laughter when he realised that the Dracoman's head was lodged in Dorian-centaur's anus. Alexius merely looked on with that sad, world weary expression that he often held...whilst inside he started to think that joining the Venatori was a very bad idea if it would present him with such unnatural horrors as the one galloping around the Keep in front of him. Whatever their personal feelings though, they were on a mission. To kill Dorian and the Dracoman!

Across the world in Fort Revasan, Varric had escaped and had found his way to the sewer network beneath the fortifications. His small size allowed him to slip through the various sluices and bowelly stenches unharmed and he popped out on the opposite side of the Fort after only twenty three hours of getting horribly lost. He pulled Bianca after him on a sting he had tied to her. She emerged covered in fecal matter. Varric was too concerned about freeing Svetlana and reporting back to Skyhold to care though and swung the crossbow onto his back before fleeing the Exalted Planes towards Skyhold! There was no time to loose!

K.C's notes: Sorry it took a while folks! I had to be careful how i phrased stuff and I've been moving back into my house which had been really awful because of the amount of problems that happened. Back now though! What will Servis and Alexius do to Dorian!? Will Varric ever reach Skyhold or will the Archegonium descend!?


	13. Chapter 13: A Helping Hand

K.C's notes: So this chapter is quite scary. It focuses on Dorian getting caught my the elite Venatori who starred in the last chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 13: A Helping Hand

Dorian stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the Venatori appear. He was suddenly overcome with shame when he realised that not only was his current situation a result of his heinous lustful desires to have sex with himself...but he was now standing in the middle of a semen filled fortress with a dracolisk head stuck up his ass whilst his ex-mentor Gereon Alexius looked on in confused and morbid horror. He just stood perfectly still and hoped he could cast an invisibility spell to shield him from the judgemental eyes of the Venatori...but he remembered he was three-quarters dracolisk, and he couldn't do magic. Because he had no hands. The Dracoman was anything but still and was still trying to mount a full scale invasion of Dorian's colon with his head; it squirmed this way and that whilst trying to push it's head further into the Tevinter's bowels. It tried to growl in frustration but realised that it couldn't open it's toothy maw because Dorian's muscles were squeezing too tightly. It then realised that it was suffocating and surrounded in a mat of fecal goop and began to panic.

Trying to pull is head from Dorian's poop chute proved impossible. One of its horns had become seriously lodged in Dorians rectal walls and thus the creature would be stuck in it's current ridiculous position until some great force managed to propel it out. The burlap sack however was no longer a problem for the Dracoman, for it had come loose and was now circulating in Dorian's bloodstream happily. The creature grabbed Dorian by the rear legs and started to push with his hands whilst trying to pull his head backwards and out of the stinky darkness. It was mostly futile but it did cause some oddly sexual noises to emanate from the Tevinter's anus and Dorian to help in pain.

Venatori stood unimpressed by the sight in front of them. Once Crassius Servis had recovered from a fit of raucous and bizarre laughter he spoke, words punctuated by giggling,

"THIS was your apprentice, Alexius?! This half-man, half-crap THING?!" Servis turned to Alexius as he clasped a hand over his chest, thinking he would have a heart attack from the hilarity of it all. Alexius continued to gaze into the distance with his battle-weary thousand yard stare, wishing me was back home in Tevinter. He eventually replied though when Servis accidentally hit him in the arm with his staff,

"Shut the fuck up, Servis! It wasn't always like this. Dorian and I were friends. We worked on the time magic together until we went our separate ways. He was one of Felix's only true friends. It pains me to see such a talented and promising young mage like this..." Alexius did a double take as he looked over his shoulder at Servis, "Wh...what are you doing...?! Stop your fuckery, we have a job to do!" Slapping Servis around the head, Alexius encouraged his compatriot to stop baton-twirling his mage's staff and concentrate on the matter at hand. Servis, caught off guard by the slap, fell down the steps that led from the main gates to the courtyard and broke some of his ribs. Alexius started to gracefully and imposingly descend the stairs,

"Dorian of House Pavus, we have been sent here by our grand and all-powerful master Corypheus. Our mission? To take you by any means necessary to Fort Revasan. The reason? So that Corypheus can brainwash you into his enlightened army and cult, the Venatori. Why you? Because I vouched for your talent as a mage and...because you were such a good friend to Felix before...before..." His voice trailed off slightly as if briefly lost in dark and mouldy memories, but he quickly recovered, "...before the end. I couldn't allow you to be destroyed when Corypheus blows up the world. But we have to take you back to Fort Revasan alone. This crazy fucking thing you've glued your ass to must remain here." As Alexius finished speaking, Dorian opened his mouth to reply, but the Dracoman chose that exact moment to move jerkily inside his anus - trying to free itself - and caused Dorian to bellow like wounded ram instead,

"MRAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!" Dorian hollered, as the Dracoman waved it's arms around in protest at being unable to dislodge it's head from Dorian's rear passage. Servis had picked himself up off of the floor and was casting a healing spell on his nibs when the noise emanating from Dorian caused him to devolve into a giggling wreck once more. This caused his spell to go haywire and - as well as healing his ribs - caused two more ribs to grow out of Servis' collar bone. Alexius shook his head in despair,

"Quit this tomfoolery! Servis, help me corner him so we can extract that man from his butt. Dorian, stop being an idiot and cooperate!" The two Venatori started to close in on Dorian with their staffs pointed at him menacingly. Dorian decided that speaking was pointless as he'd only end up shrieking as the Dracoman attempted to move inside him, so he began galloping away - dragging the enraged Dracoman behind him again. Alexius and Servis began chasing the horse-dragon-man-centipede-thing, wading through piles of the semen left over from Dorian and the Dracoman's recent love-making. Servis started laughing at Alexius, falling over as he did so,

"At least my robes are white, Gereon. The stains will never come out of your wonderfully laundered crimson clothes! Oof!" Alexius' foot collided heavily with Servis' chest, breaking one of his newly formed collar bone ribs in the process.

"I told you not to make me lose my shit, Crassius! Things have been hard for me since Felix died and I've really got no problem with going off the fucking rails anymore." He kept booting Servis for a while and then resumed chasing Dorian. Servis got up, fixed his face, and aided Alexius in coralling Dorian into a corner.

"You're both making a huge mistake!" Yelled Dorian as the Dracoman started flailing his arms around once more, "By serving Corypheus you're condemning yourselves to a lifetime of slavery and corruption." He thought for a moment, weighing up his current situation, "But if you two will help me remove this creature from my anal walls then I'll gladly go with you and I'll even debate joining the Venatori!" Dorian stopped struggling and allowed the two agents of Corypheus to come up behind him. Servis grabbed the Dracoman's neck whilst Alexius grabbed both of its legs. Dorian braced himself for the unavoidable and unthinkable pain that would occur as his colon was amputated - speared as it was on the Dracoman's horn. Servis called time,

"After three. One...Two..." There was a suffocated whine of pain as Servis tugged on the creature's neck prematurely. Alexius retorted,

"You absolute Muppet! Were you never taught how to count?! You pull on the count OF three, not before!" It was at this particular moment that the burlap sack in Dorian's circulatory system reached his heart and he unexpectedly began to go into cardiac arrest. His front legs buckled beneath him and he fell into unconsciousness. He remained held aloft solely by the superhuman strength of the Dracoman. The creature thrashed and growled inside Dorian's rectum as a response to this increased pressure on its puny human knees. Alexius swore evilly again and have a massive pull on the Dracoman's legs, dislocating one of its hips as he did so. Servis pulled the creature's neck and - inside of Dorian's ass - the thing started to choke on its own saliva and faeces. It bucked is head back and forth rapidly, as if he was making love to Dorian with it...but this was just one last ditch attempt to free itself before it died horribly.

"One last pull and it should come free!" Giggled Servis, who sounded more and more like he was high on too much deathroot or something. He braced himself to pull the Dracoman's neck again. Alexius counted down,

"Okay. One...Two...And..." Servis pulled prematurely again, bumping into Alexius and knocking him to the ground. However, Alexius kept hold of the Dracoman's legs in a vain attempt to steady himself and thus accidentally pulled with all of his weight as he fell. The creature's hideously weird head popped loose with a stomach-churning 'plopppp' noise. Dorian-centaur's butt hole had been stretched to such an insane size...and the unexpected shock of having the Dracoman suddenly dislodged meant that the poor unconscious Tevinter could no longer hold onto his bowels. The unthinkable happened. A river of molten hot diarrhoeal sludge shot out of Dorian's colon and bathed an unsuspecting Crassius Servis from head to toe in deep brown horrors. The Venatori had no time to react, let alone take evasive action, and so was blasted to the floor by the force of the bowelly hosepipe. His face was frozen into a visage of pure, unadulterated terror. Alexius had managed to spring to his feet when he saw the poop hosepipe unleash itself and was currently standing on a nearby barrel laughing like an evil genius and pointing at his bowel-covered ally,

"Hahaha! Let's see THOSE stains come out if your fucking pearly white robes, you bumbling craphead! And you are quite literally a CRAPHEAD, Servis! You deserved that." The Dracoman took a moment to readjust to the bright world outside of Dorian's colon and then turned it's attention towards Servis who was still coated in poo and lying in the floor, but who was now bawling his eyes out like a baby. He had also defecated on himself in shock. Theacoman began to vibrate oddly as though he too was laughing at the miserable sight in front of him; he then began to stalk towards Servis - who was startled by the ugliness of the thing's head - and started chasing the younger Venatori around Suledin Keep. Servis made a squelching noise as he ran.

Alexius was in the process of ignoring the pleas of his countryman and had begun casting a levitation spell on Dorian's corpse...when suddenly he felt the ground beneath him shudder. He stopped what he was doing and listened, but he couldn't hear over Servis' screeching.

"Shut the fuck up, Servis you hole full of dicks! Something odd is happening!" Alexius readied his time magic in case it would come in useful when suddenly the floor cracked open into a huge earthquake chasm; Dorian would surely have fallen in and died if it wasn't for Alexius' levitation spell! Something in the chasm was screaming. It was an even louder and shriller noise than Servis was making. An unnatural, blighted and unholy noise...

...Darkspawn Dolad leapt from the chasm with his wings extended! His broken ear wept dark green pus and he was now wearing an eye patch as well, for unknown reasons! He would seek revenge and buggery on Dorian and the Dracoman...but Alexius and Servis were hopelessly caught in middle! Alexius didn't know what was going on and quite frankly he didn't even care. All he knew was that he wasn't going to let this naked corrupted elf-thing bugger him!

Alexius readied himself for battle!

K.C's notes: I've been really ill with food poisoning so that's why this chapter is so late! Sorry guys! It's also what provided inspiration for some of the scenes actually. In the next chapter the archdemon is back and attacking Skyhold, and Alexius faces off against Darkspawn Solas! Can he even hope to win?!


	14. Chapter 14: The Redemption of Alexius

K.C's notes: Okay so I know a lot of you have been sending me PMs regarding Darkspawndweller04 and the fact that he's basically dedicated some disgusting story to me. Thanks for letting me know about it. I don't know this person except for the fact that he's been sending me loads of PMs for over a month and keeps stalking my story. I am in no way affiliated with him. Now, onto the story!

Chapter 14: The Redemption of Alexius

Gereon Alexius stood baffled by the sight of a mostly naked elf in front of him...an elf who had no upper or lower lip, was sporting an eye patch, had one of his ears hanging off limply and had odd wings sprouting from his back. It was truly the strangest creature that Alexius had ever seen. Darkspawn Solas hissed and posed oddly with his wings spread and his arms held open in a comical fashion as Alexius drew his bladed staff and prepared himself for battle against this oddment. Suddenly a shriek from the other side of the Keep's courtyard drew Alexius' attention; Servis had been cornered and was attempting to fend off the Dracoman with a piece of debris he had picked up. He was shrieking loudly and girlishly as he repeatedly beat the creature over the head with a broken barrel, but the Dracoman seemed to be enjoying the beating and now was displaying another unnecessary erection for all to see. Servis reached around to his back in an attempt to draw his own magical staff...when a cold feeling washed over him as he discovered that it had been lost in the immediate chaos following the Dracoman's head being extracted from Dorian's rectum. He was totally defenceless! He tried to shout over to Alexius,

"Gereon! Please! I need your help! Get this horny thing away from me!" Alexius stifled a laugh that grew in his throat at the sight of Servis, still covered in feces, cowering in front of this half-man half-dracolisk thing...beating it over the head with a jagged barrel. However Darkspawn Dolad chose this moment of distraction to strike! He lunged at Alexius with his freakish teeth bared and knocked the Magister to the ground where he proceeded to attempt to rip out the Tevinter's throat with his teeth, which had now begun to fall out. Luckily for Alexius the large splayed collar of his Venatori robes saved him from an untimely doom and all the injury he sustained was a sore back from landing on the ground and a cut to this left cheek from where Solas's teeth had caught him. One of the once-elf's teeth was still stuck in the wound. Gathering all of his strength, Alexius began struggling with Sofas on the floor - wrestling his face away from his own and attempting to restrain his flailing arms and their sharp taloned hands. Alexius may have been in his fifties but he was stronger than his looks would suggest and after a few moments of a desperate struggle, the Tevinter was able to kick Darkspawn Solas in the groin - sending him careening off of him and allowing Alexius to regain his footing and reclaim his staff from where it had fallen besides him.

Firing a disintegration spell at Solas, Alexius watched as the aberrant creature's left arm began to wither away to nothing and then fall off completely. Solas was going nuts by this point and running around trying to stick his now tiny arm back to his body with his own saliva; this gave Alexius the time to cast one of his hallmark time-magic spells in the immediate area around him. This would give him the advantage in the upcoming fight. Then he waded into the fray. Quite literally as the keep was still full of Dracoman semen and Dorian's bowels. Alexius sent a whole barrage of attacks towards Solas, who reeled back in slow motion horror and pain as hundreds of bolts of lightning hit him and seared his flesh a deep ebony black. Then Alexius - who appeared as a blur of superhumanly quick movements to those outside the time magic bubble - smacked Dolad in the face with his bladed Magister's staff and sliced the last pitiful strands of skin that were holding Dolad's wounded ear to his face. Solas's ear came clean off - in beautifully crisp slow motion - and was promptly devoured by the Dracoman...also in slow motion. Alexius took a moment to marvel at the hideousness of the creature whilst casually ducking Solas's vicious-taloned hand as it swiped for his face. Solas's blood sprayed in slow motion across Alexius' face - like paint leaving an aerosol can at a hundred times less than the normal speed - leaving the Tevinter looking battle hardened and utterly formidable. How he loved his useful time magic! However something had happened to Alexius. Something totally irreversible that would change him and the path he walked in life forever...whether he liked it or not.

Across the Keep, Servis was preparing to be raped by the Dracoman. It was all going wrong for the Venatori-turned-heroes! But then something amazing happened...

K.C's notes: I know it's a bit short but I've got to go to a study session later. I'll complete the rest before Wednesday, I promise. I'm also not really well and I'm feeling a bit stressed out by the whole Darkspawndweller04 thing. I'd appreciate any of you who read my story PM-ing him and telling him to stop because his stuff is gross and I feel like he's harassing me a bit.


	15. Chapter 15: The Crimson Warden

K.C's notes: Okay so I spent hours doing a little soul searching last night and I decided to carry on with the story because it's but fair to all the people who love it and PM me about it. I won't be dissuaded by one nut-job. I'm sorry the last chapter was so short :( So in this chapter we find out what happened to Alexius and we see the conclusion of the fight with Solas. I think this is my best chapter so far so please read and review.

Chapter 15: The Crimson Warden

Through the haze of slow motion time magic, Alexius could see Darkspawn Solas preparing to launch himself forwards in some insane kamikaze attack on him. The Tevinter readied his bladed staff to pierce Solas's blighted heart...but something wasn't right...something inside him felt...wrong. Cold, hard, empty, gnawing, stalking, inescapable wrongness. It began as a shiver running down his spine unexpectedly and then developed quickly into a creeping doom that enveloped his whole being and felt like it would consume him whole. It was a whisper in his mind that evolved in a matter of moments from a nagging distraction into an all-encompassing cacophonous shriek...no, it wasn't a shriek...it was a...a...song? Darkspawn Solas saw Alexius' facial expression twist from one of stoic combatant to one of sheer agony and torment. The once-elf stopped in his tracks and just watched the scene unfolding in front of him, baffled and a little afraid of what he saw. Inside the time magic bubble Alexius had dropped his staff and had fallen to his knees, his gauntleted hands reaching to grasp at the receding hair of his temples as if trying to claw out something that was embedded in his very brain.

His life flashed before his eyes as he felt like he was drowning in one thousand voices and memories all at once; his wife Livia's sweet voice, his son Felix's birth, addressing the Magisterium, young Dorian as his apprentice, Livia's death and Felix's tainting, committing himself to the Venatori, the eyes of his newfound lady-love - the Dragon Archon of Tevinter - as she caught his gaze from across the grand palace... A desperate cry escaped his dry, cracked lips as the time magic began to fade and bring him back to reality, leaving him kneeling alone on the magic scarred ground. His eyes flickered open and Solas howled in disbelief. For reflected in Alexius' deep amber eyes was the same familiar taint that lurked in Solas's blight-blackened heart. Alexius had been tainted by darkspawn blood - had ingested some of the spatters of Solas's blood that had splashed his face in the fight - and he had survived. He had conquered the taint...at least for a few years until the Calling took him and he heard the Song once more. Gereon Alexius had unwittingly become a Grey Warden.

In all of the confusion and epic revelations, Dorian's corpse had been released from its levitation spell and plummeted back to the ground with a sickening thump. This shook him out of unconsciousness and slowly he opened his eyes. To his dismay he still had the body of a dracolisk; he rolled his eyes in dismay. Across the Keep from the Solas/Alexius face-off, Servis was lying on the ground temporarily blinded by poop. Unfortunately for Servis, the Dracoman was the only person...well, 'thing' would be a more appropriate term...who had not been standing stationary and entranced by Alexius' revelation. The ugly, weird creature had managed to rip most of Servis' robes off from his waist down, exposing the darkly tanned skin underneath, and had also managed to ram it's penis into the unsuspecting Tevinter's rear passage. It had this ridiculously stupid look on its face as it girrated and pumped away whilst Servis floundered and tried to get away, but even he could not hide the groans of pleasure that had begun to rise from his throat. Could it be that he actually liked being drilled by Dorian's old man-meat? He started to buck his hips backwards to meet the unnatural monstrosity that was doing him with increasing speed. The Dracoman was loving every second of this newfound consent and began to lean over Servis, holding him by his waist and continuing the ridiculous, shameless display in front of the others in the Keep. The Dracoman had begun to think of Servis as it's 'mate' and this was to be the beginning of a very strange relationship indeed.

Darkspawn Solas had enough of the stalling and decided to fight good new arch-nemesis, Alexius, once more. But what he did not expect was for Dorian to run up behind him and headbutt him back into the earthquake crevasse from where he had appeared! Dorian was helping his ex-mentor once more! Dolad screamed and screamed as he held onto the rocky edge of the crack with one gnarled and taloned hand. Dorian started stomping on his hand with his front hooves, which ripped off two of Solas's fingers, and Grey Warden Alexius brought the blade of his staff down upon Solas's other ear, slicing it clean off as well. The pain radiated through Darkspawn Solas and eventually he lost his grip and, with a terrifying scream, plummeted back into the Deep Roads that lay far below. Alexius turned to Dorian, staff still at the ready, and spoke in his usual low and composed voice,

"Dorian...Why? Why would you help me?" A look of confusion passed over Alexius' lined face and his eyes narrowed slightly in suspicion. Dorian trotted over to his old friend and saw how the older Tevinter was looking at him oddly due to his bizarre centaur-like appearance.

"I helped you because we have a common enemy, Alexius. Darkspawn Solas may be even more powerful than Corypheus for all we know. We've wounded him so many times and so severely and STILL he comes! It's like he's supernatural. When he was... assaulted by the Archdemon, everything in this war changed. And as for my appearance, it's a long story but now i finally understand why you taught me never to meddle with blood magic." Dorian whittered on whilst Alexius held a hand to his head as if he was in pain. Looking a little concerned, Dorian continued, "That'll happen occasionally from what I've heard. Try not to let it bother you."

"What happened to me...?" Alexius managed to croak out, his honey brown eyes betraying the fear that the Magister had been so used to keeping hidden for most of his life. "I feel...different. Like something isn't quite right..." His face paled and he locked Dorian in a horrified gaze, as if the realisation of something truly awful had just dawned upon him, "It couldn't be...it isn't... Dorian! Is it demon possession?! Tell me what do you see when you look into my eyes!? I've worked so hard, I've trained my mind to resist even the most powerful of demons, I..." His fear made him rant and Dorian had to step in. Even though they had become enemies when Alexius joined the Venatori, he could not stand to see his old friend in such a panic.

"Alexius you are not possessed! You ingested darkspawn blood...and lived. You do know what that means, don't you?" Dorian was met by the continued confusion on Alexius' face which gradually turned to one of incredulous realisation over the course of a minute or so. When he replied it was shaky,

"I'm... I'm a Grey Warden?!" Dorian nodded in assent and was about to speak when suddenly, from the ramparts, Varric leapt into he courtyard and fired two rounds from Bianca towards the Dracoman's head. It howled in pain, but luckily it was in the process of dismounting Servis or else the two may have been speared together and died horribly. Servis was left sexually unsatisfied and annoyed. Upon seeing what had become of Dorian, Varric did a double take and then had to stifle the urge to laugh,

"Sparkler? Is that YOU?! Nice...uhm...tail..." Varric managed to say before allowing a laugh to slip past his parted lips. Dorian smiled a little - the first smile for a long time it seemed - and trotted over to Varric,

"It's good to see you, Varric. But we can't rest, there's much to be done. Solas has turned into a Darkspawn and is possibly an even greater threat to Thedas than Corypheus! But luckily for us...we've just been gifted with a new Grey Warden ally to help us." He indicated to Alexius by tilting his head over his shoulder and Varric gasped in disbelief. Alexius held his head in his gauntleted hands...perhaps this was his destiny all the long?

K.C's notes: I hope you like it. I'll have another chapter done by the weekend. Thanks for all the PM's of support. You guys are the bestest!


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